Tea Bags

[Caractacus]

Given Mr H used them as a hiding place for his would-be one-way ticket out of existence, I wondered if any other forumite, perhaps one with extensive knowledge of tea, might have a secret stash hidden among his Tetley free-flow specials: copies of Chameleon World, a collection of Carol's old undies, or maybe a water buffalo or two?

[Lizard]

Carol came racing up my extensive driveway yesterday, and after giving the taxi driver a tip (dont know how much) but he zipped his fly up and drove off smiling. 'Lizard' she say.s, put the kettle on I,m going to shag you till your scales drop off! ok I said, I,ve just come back from a night at Eltons, this puzzled me! I know she,s fit, but she wasn,t even out of breath..I couldn,t understand!! how come your not tired after a night with the Ivory tinker I said, oh we only 'did it' 5 times last night, 'FIVE' I said, what time did you get there? 8 o clock she say,s and I left at 8 this morning, thats 12 hours I retorted, how much actual sleep have you had? 11 and three quarter hours she replied, now get my rosy ready or I,ll have to floss your bell end!(I love it when she talks dental hygiene stuff), Oh Bollocks she says I,LL do it, and off she teeters to the kitchen in her 5" heels to brew up.
What the FUCK.... oh no!, she had dropped the tea caddy, and out fell my collection of 'used tissues', whats all this crap she said, have you been shuffling off? thinking on my claws, I said yes, but there all dedicated to you
chuck, well that did it! she forgave me and were still 'doing it' even as I,m typing thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis

[Elton Dong]

See the thing with Carol is like this we all know she's a Nymphomaniac and what's wrong with enjoying sex ? a keen tea drinker and theirs nothing wrong with a wee cupper , but when she come over to my place

' The Dongderosa '

she has to start mixing the two !

now i like a pretty women taking a piss (not taking THE piss )
just as much as the next man/reptile , but if i go to the shop's for one of her fave munchies (this week its wagon wheels again) and i come back and she's pissing in the wadrobe rubbing her clit and saying stick it up my bum
as my yellow gushing pee leaves its fragrent scent on your new Glitter jacket and those big boots you wore in Tommy !

It does my head in !

She can do what she wants with Liz, she pisses on his rock and the lightbulb dry's it all up, spills her tea and he only needs one half of his forked tounge to clean it up ! (the other half is wraped firmly round her peanut shaped love diamond !)

So ive had to start cutting her out a bit , you know giving the other female celeb a chance (i am sorting out carol smilie tonight ! why are women with big noses so randy !)

and so five time's a night is all Carol's getting untill she becomes more house trained and I wont even start on what she's been getting up to with JJ !

[jj the....]

I have just negotiated a rather lucrative deal with C4 to serialise this thread.
So, back to the keyboards, lads..........