Phrases you never hear in a James Bond movie

[Guilbert]

Saw this on a TV comedy show a few weeks ago (8 out of 10 cats ?)

Phrases you never hear in a James Bond Movie....like


Here are your gadgets back Q, I did not use them

(Female) - It is supposed to be that soft James ?

(Female) - Sorry James, wrong time of the month.

Here is your car James - a Ford Fiesta

[Sam Slater]

Also:

'Like fuck I'm jumping in that pool full of sharks, what do you take me for, a cunt?'

(female) 'Don't cum inside me, whatever you do.'

'Can I just put the tip inside your arse?'

'Stirred, NEVER shaken'

'Are you on the pill?'

'Can I see your tests?'

(female) 'I only use Eros, KY just gives me a rash.'

'Ok I'll go to Russia, Malaysia & Mexico on a killing spree, but do you pay travel expenses?'

[one eyed jack]

Fuck the mission. I'm in this for the pusssssaaaay! Hot damn!

[shock the monkey]

"Ah, Q, I hope you've got some sexual euphemisms for me, because I'm all out."
"There's nothing like a big bang first thing in the morning. Or a blowjob. Either is fine."
"Put up a brave front, Moneypenny. It shouldn't be difficult with those jugs. By which I mean ladies breasts.
I'd heard that American ladies are full of spunk. Well, you certainly are now."
"I like my Martinis like I like my women - oiled and naked and gagging for it. And they also have to have big tits."
"Is that a pistol in your pocket, Mr Bond, or do you just have an erection?"

[fudgeflaps]

"I like my eggs scrambled, not boiled".

From 'mock the week', BBC 2.

[neoXaur]

"Fuck the script. Just suck my fat fucking cock now, Miss Hairycunny"

[BeestonBoy]

Would you please blow into this bag,sir?

[nasty]

Mr Bond I'm placing you under arrest for the rape of... (insert the name of every Bond girl baddie that Connery and Moore strong holded into a clinch)

[steve56]

no i wont come in your mouth.