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Blessed be the porn-makers, for theirs shall be the Kingdom of Crutch

Very good. And no doubt Dibble was one of the Roman Soldiers on cruxifiction duties. Helping get rid of all these political subversives and lefties who were wringing thier hands and moaning about the oppressive regime of The Romans. He was also most miffed at Jesus disrupting the early stages of capitalism by chucking the money lenders out of the temple.

And as for the healing of cripples and other acts of do-goodery......well they should have had private health plans instead of lounging around begging. "Take up thy bed and get yourself a job" was the cry of the outraged Officer Dibble as he passed through the marketplace on his way to his appointment with a fallen woman in Judea who was going to smoke his beef for the princely sum of six sheckles.

I wish I had paid more attention in Religious Studies then I could join in with the biblical puns but alas I spent most of my time fantasising about the teacher (female btw).

I do remember the parable of the paralytic man in St Marks Gospel. Could that have been about another forumite?

The Lord said let there be shite. And then there was shite. (mainly in the form of rubbish videos)

...and the Unfaithful were exiled to a foreign land, strangely yclept 'O/T Forum', where didst they witter and wail woefully. Only rarely did the Archangel yclept Marcus descend from the heavens to converse with the now-forlorn Infidels...
And the Wise Mods inflicted upon the Unfaithful Great Plagues, of Lizards and S56's, and their Beer was tainted by Moths.
Only the Great Prophet McGoo kept Faith, and thus quoth He: 'O Ye of Little Faith, and even Smaller Brain: Have not I said that I will lead Thee forth from this Tainted Land, to a land of McEwan's and Curried Eyeballs, for the Taking and Feasting thereupon?'
And Lo, the Lost tribes were joyful, and did celebrate, and All was Well.
Until somebody called the Police.
Here endeth the Lesson..........

And the eating of post-drinkies dodgy shellfish is a cultural traditiion in some parts of the South-East.
Oooerr....gonna be sick.............

Didn't the Monkees do that one?

Yea verily.

If thou readeth the bit about Soddom and Gamorra (spelling?) then thou will see similarities with the forumites. A bunch of heathens with dubious sexual tendencies.

They were all turned into pillars of salt which were sprinkled on the Canneloni of S56 in Pizza Hut. The wailing and gnashing of teeth did echo forth throughout the Land of Ladbroke Grove Sainsburys. And even unto the province of Acton Netto. But the chosen people of Waitrose were spared and were taken to Tescos as a reward for not being faithless sex fiends. And the crowds in The Land of Pub rejoiced as once more the beer did flow and the drinkers rejoiced and had some pork scratchings.

Why was that? Because its Written thats why.

Sorry I think someone must have turned my water into wine. Probably Marcus of Gallilee. I must remember to smite him next time I see him.

"Blessed are the Marcusites, for they shall see the Chairman."

All that Smiting and Knowing and Exiling and Plague-ing.......we're much better off nowadays, not being turned into Pillows of Salt, what with the Interweb, and no Saddam and Camorra, and DNA and George W Bush and Noockyoolar Physics and Such.
Oh, and Breakfast TV. And All-Bran.

A diet of milk and honey keeps you regular; not as regular as eating locusts, mind.

Lizard got really upset when he found out the locusts were plants, and not those of the insect variety.
It's OK, though: I gave him some of my All-Bran.........