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Kaz you poor Sod x hope you are okay
Andy x

Thanks for all the comments guys. Nikonman can you mail me directly please as the girls name has been censored so I'm not sure who you mean.

Joe - this incident happened back in 2006 when I was fairly new to fetish and adult and INCREDIBLY naive. That man approached me by e-mail asking me to do a shoot for a spanking magazine. I was a little nervous at the prospect of this and asked about marks and so on as I was doing a lot of glamour work at the time. I emphasised this was very important as I would lose other work if I had marks or abrasions to the skin. That man assured me that I would undergo only alight hand spanking and it would be a little pink during the shoot but would go down quickly afterwards.

When I arrived at the shoot and had waited around for ages they started to film the other girls first, and then I was told to go onto the stage and take my spanking. I had not expected video but did not know how to react and went up as I did not realise what was about to take place.

I don't know if any of you have ever been psychologically abused but this situation was totally and thoroughly contrived and designed from start to finish to manipulate and control.

One of the other girls who is a very well known model was there and acting normal (even she later said it was horrible and she had not known anything like it - she was covered in cuts and it occured to me later that evening that they had not taking any health and safety checks - what if a performer had hiv and blood passed from one to the other via the cane).
However given her attitude DURING the most of the shoot - (until they decided they wanted to make her cry so beat the fuck out of her until she was sobbing like a baby - and she is a tough girl!!) early on I wondered if this was normal to change a photo shoot to video with no prior warning and to co-erce models into pushing their limits. It wasn't until my third spanking/beating that I began something was SERIOUSLY wrong though and remember this situation was cleverly put together. The producer had invited members of the public to attend and watch and they were milling about (at the time I did not know who they were until Model X told me) these people were circling a lot and saying "you took that a lot better that time didn't you" which confused me a great deal. Their response to a scared crying girl (yes I am a total pussy if I am not allowed to defend myself) was not what I expected and they made the whole thing seen like they were normal and that I was the weak one for not living up to their wishes.

The models cases and costumes were upstairs in the nightclub in another room with the set being designed to make it pretty complicated to do a runner and we had no access to our phones.

There were in fact 2 producers the second one we shall call producer 0 and first producer A. There was no time to discuss anything with them, apart from Jon giving me a glass of wine. Being already pretty terrified I gulped this back - something which I would never advise when in the company of strangers as it impairs your judgement and you may not neccessarily overlook things but it can effect your perception of them.



In a brief controlled break Producer A came up to me and the other girls and started randomly telling us about his private life - that he was on new antidepressants but felt so happy that day. It was so important for him that this day went well as he had been through a lot of shit. It seemed like an odd thing to tell a couple of strangers but in hindsight he was looking to gain our sympathy and see him as the nice guy so we would question the doubts we were having about him and the crew.

This had all been a gradual process up to probably the 3rd spanking, but after that the situation escalated rapidly. Producer 0 said they had last minute communications from their sponsor and that they would have to use the implements on us - paddles, canes and so on, that it was so important as they would lose their deal - and that there would only be a little bit then it would be all over - this was said whilst the video lights were on, the crew waiting impatiently and told in quite a reassuring manner that it would be done as quick and painlessly as possible.

As an addition at this point in my career I did not have a true understanding of the industry and rather than doubting them - I doubted myself. Under immense psychological pressure and a crowd of onlookers went reluctantly back on the stage. They made it seem so everyday run of the mill I was even scared that they would blacklist me if I did not do a good job and would tell other producers not to book me - what a dimwit I truly was back than.

Now this quick scene that had been promised - actually turned to be a long and drawn out cycle of abuse. Model X was such a good actress anyway I could not read her from her body language, but model x and model y were beaten over and over - their screams ear piercing and so disturbing to me I could not watch to see lovely girls reduced to that.

They continuously told us "not much more nearly done" then a relentless cane would beat down for an amount of time that seemed endless. A few times I put my hands to my rear to give it some respite but was threatened by the woman caning me and she roughly grabbed my hands away. I have no doubt she was a true sadist and her partner was little better although he did not display excessive force with me only model x. I was interspersed in between these and the producers could evidently see signs that model y and myself were looking for signs of how to get out of the situation (eyes scanning the peripheral and darting towards the door) as we were treated like spoilt selfish little children and told it was important for us to take our share - that they just weren't getting the right footage and that model x would have to take the brunt if we were unable to. (model x seemed pretty scared by this point!

I kept begging them to stop along with other interjections of protestation and other after about 100 lashes on my once smooth posterior - now nearly raw and stinging, I was told to leave the stage whilst one of the other girls went up. I tried to sit down but found it too painful so crouched.


The producers kept saying during my turn - "make sure you get plenty on her face of her crying and they were not happy that model x had been used some cheeky banter and had not cried, so they decided to punish and break her.
I could soon see that model x was no longer acting and she with trembling uncontrollably) and screaming the house down - and not in a good way! Her raw and bleeding backside was beaten repeatedly with the cane - I tried not watching but could not escape her sickening screams, model y's sobbing as she watched and the crunch of the cane against bloody flesh. Everything suddenly reached a point of utter panic and helplessness and I fled from the room up the flights of stairs and locked myself into the nearest toilet. Some time afterwards producer x came upstairs and tried to coax me out trying to praise me saying I was doing so well, that it was a lot to take in when I was new to it but was so close to the end now but I was inconsolable (and pretty much in shock) it took model x to get me out and finally I felt as if I had some back up but then she said we should go and finish! Producer x told me that I had been thrown in at the deep end a bit but had come such a long way, that it had been a tough day for everyone and everyone wanted to get home (oh yeh - why don't you have a bleeding arse then?!) I was clearly no longer able to think straight at this time. I was undergoing a great deal of confusion as the whole thing was so extreme and far beyond what I had expected or agreed to that my my instincts were telling me that the whole thing was completely wrong on so many levels from start to finish. However I had not encountered this form of psychological abuse before and did not understand it or how to deal with it, especially when time to think was limited and they cleverly played each other us to play on our senses of guilt, fear and empathy.

Somehow I found myself back on the stage for the final part - I was no longer thinking anything at all but trying to shut my mind off completely. I have no idea how I endured this as I am not good with pain but kept telling myself it would be over soon. Finally the sadistic cane and it's less charismatic handler ceased it's war on flesh, and the producers reluctantly drew to a finish. I think they had suddenly become scared as in those final moments a light had gone on my head - and besides broken dolls are no fun to play with anymore. Much excessive praise and distinctly disingenuous appreciation was given to us 3 dimwits as they continued their pathetic game of manipulation and hoped to keep us on side.

This lengthy account is still and edited version as it would take pages to discuss everything that took place that day.


After the shoot I had a 2 hour journey in which I could not sit down as a result of the beating. I spent most of it sobbing incoherently on the phone to my boyfriend - much of it he was unable to understand I was so distressed. When my partner saw the state of me and my wounds he actually burst into tears and demanded "who the fuck did this to you! I want to make them suffer!"
The two weeks following this were a nightmare - I was far too battered and bruised to work. I was meant to be doing several big shoots and a big job working in France so I lost several thousand pounds of work because of this.
The financial loss was nothing compared to the psychological impact in the aftermath. For some time I didn't want to speak to anyone, pick up the phone, leave the house and would randomly burst into tears or feel like I just wanted to shut the rest of the world out. Upon the advice of colleagues and others in the industry I reported the incident and proceedings started against Producer X and Deadly Lady Sadica (not her name mods just a piss-take so don't worry) and sometime later I looked at myself and thought 'why the hell am I letting these pathetic cowardly leeches effect me' and vowed to toughen up, get wise and try to stop them profiting from abusing young girls who did not know what they were getting into. So if you are reading this producer Xhole, Lady Sadica or any of your spineless little minions, you royally fucked me up once, you poorly attempted to fuck me up a second time (I keep everything legal, just, safe and fair which is more than you can say) you also tried to threaten to make libellous claims about me in a newspaper. Have you heard the expression don't throw stones when you live in glass houses? Why would a newspaper be interested in a pornstar who dommes (and ALWAYS has a safeword and respects peoples limits - even when asked not to have a safeword). Might I add - especially from an ex con who gets his perverted kicks from bullying little girls and watching them getting unconsentually beaten. Was it worth all that cold porridge? You might have managed to do this to me and other girls who were vulnerable and naive, but I will not tolerate bullies in any way shape or form. I will not tolerate threats, or harassment or abuse and furthermore will sacrifice my own dignity in writing this to stop you from doing this to anyone else. You are fighting a losing battle and wasting your time.


I am certain there will be those who have no sympathy for those capable of such naivety and stupidity. I do not care for anyone's sympathy - I will be happy if I can simply prevent that maniac and his ring of accomplices from striking again.

To answer a couple of other points - cockey yes they had good refs!!!

.....actually an important piece of advice to any new models would be - don't get refs for a tame shoot from an extreme model and have a policy of never changing your levels in any shoot once it is agreed. Say maybe next time but think about it first. In hindsight always take a chaperone to any kind of bondage/bdsm shoot and if you think something does not seem normal go with your instincts and get the hell out of there and fast! If there are other girls there in a vulnerable position cite your decision to leave and inform them they should do the same and remember this - some people are calculating, cold hard bastards with an agenda. However nice they might seem initially, however much they try to come across as the underdog/loser don't let your guard down and do not take anyone at face value. Nice people do not coerce people into doing things outside of their limits. Nice people do not say "everyone here has had a bad day" or imply that you are making their life so damn difficult by not rolling over, playing dead and giving in to them.

Joe - I was told in the spanking shoot e-mails that I would be given a safeword, which put my mind at rest somewhat before the shoot. However the reality was that on the day we were given no such thing. Not having been familiar with safewords before - in the rush of everything it did not occur to me to ask for a safeword.....by the time I thought of it - it was too late!

So - if you find yourself in this position and you are going onto set without being given a safeword declare for all to hear - my safeword is red/blue/wankstain/whatever! That way even if they do have even slightly questionable intentions they are more likely to pace the shoot out and not knacker you in the first hour! Then if you reach that point where they are trying to overstep your boundaries and limits you simply say your safeword - whether you are in action or even if they say - will you stick this broken glass up your arse please, swallow this sword or suck on my flaccid little penis. You can simply respond with cuntoff/eatmyshitdirtbag or whatever your chosen safeword is. It's a powerful thing as it's respected by industry professionals and lifestylers. Your safeword means NO and it's considered to be a massive breach of trust to ignore this. If they still continue or ignore your safeword then (especially in relation to bdsm) they have just given you good reason to either defend yourself if force is needed and escape is not an option (judgement should be used here of course!!) or get out and do them for assault!!
To enter any practitioner - especially an unexperienced one into any kind of heavy bdsm situation without a mandatory safeword is not only unprofessional, but it is also - either insurmountably stupid - or just plain despicable through and through.

Don't be caught out, learn from my mistakes.

Oh and locallad - I am fine now - a few years in porn and eventually this is like an annoying little mosquito biting at your arse! Really ****ing annoying but swat it hard enough (metaphorically speaking of course) and it won't bother anyone else.

Hope you are well! x

Reading this puts in to context how trival my bad experiences have been.

Thank you for sharing this as it couldn't of been an easy thing to write about & you've probably helped a lot of people with it.

Matt

Kaz,
You have my admiration for relating your story for all to see.

I'm really pleased that you now consider what happened as nothing more than a mosquito trying to sting your arse.

You have already bettered this swine and have gone on to become the lovely person I know you to be and one of the UK's top models.

!love!

Myson
!oldie!

Your experience sounds very heavy, if they filmed the event does that mean you have evidence?

He is out now Cockney - hence the threatening e-mails he sent.

Joe the police tried to get hold of the tape but it was never found.

Of course if anyone ever comes across a copy of it they would be rewarded! The video starts off being a "fashion shoot" with the organiser deciding to punish the girls for not walking properly.