egafd.com

well as someone who lives alone, works from home, has no dependant family, all my other family lives overseas and has no mates (and no thats not an exaggeration) maybe now it becomes apparant why I feel like I do - I dont have anyone to distract me and make me think of other things, I just live with this and like this 24x7. How I have gotten this far is just a testament to the strength of my resolve to date but everyone runs out of it one day

I sympathise, Jay, and can relate to some extent. Self-loathing is my religion, and I know I need to do something about it. Little incidents can expand those feelings into something overwhelming, and it seems as though no one understands. And yet sometimes just unburdening yourself of the problems can help. If someone is willing to listen, and offer advice or encouragement, then go that road.

You obviously have the respect of people who have dealt with you, and consider you to be a good bloke. They'd much rather talk about you in the present tense that with sadness, wondering what they could have done tp stop you taking the step you're contemplating.

The guys are right about SAD too. Although a creature of the night, the dark, dank days of the winter months are the worst for me. But there's a part of you (there's certainly a part of me, I know) that likes the delicious feeling of misery; that the entire world hates you. It isn't true, but it's that voice inside that you need to still.

Seriously, mate, talk to someone. The Samaritans provide a sympathetic ear, if you'd rather not face someone.

It's very easy to kill yourself it you really want, just go to the top of a multi-story car park and jump off. easy. if you wanted to you'd do it!

in 100 years no one will even know who you were! nothings really worth worrying about when you remember that.

There have been documented cases of people falling from 10 plus storeys and living proving there is no such thing as a realistic guaranteed way of killing yourself - the "best" way is to shoot yourself thru the mouth angled up towards your brain but even that, while highly likely to do the trick, is not guaranteed to work in every case.

For anyone living alone with few outside social connections Pets are always a good option

From the low maintenance Gold Fish(as I have) all the way up to a Dog-mans best friend as Rolf would say

cheers
B....OZ

Have that about that - dont see the point in any pets other than dogs and cos of work commitments it would be cruel to have a dog as I sometimes spend 3 or 4 days away at a time.

I know it sounds like Im just making excuses but the thing is just about every suggestion anyone has made I have contemplated and havent been able to see anything coming from it hence feeling like I do - this isnt just a case of me feeling a little pissed off, its all the culmination of months of frustration and depression which just has bubbled over now to this

Jay, I read the post and I'm not sure if it was born thru a drink or two or just one of those days where nothing goes right and the world wants to shit on your dreams.

For what it's worth, you'r not on your own bro and I understand where you're coming from.
You up for an email?

In all honesty it was none of the above Holden - as I said in a post above it was the culmination of many months of frustration and depression. Im too scared to get drunk despite wanting to soooooo bad cos Im afraid of what I might say or do when Im pissed but this is def not just a case of a bad day at the office - this is much deeper set and much further reaching than that

As for the email, yeah go for it if ya like

really gotta stop staying up so late - some fuckers are still setting off fireworks down the estate, if I had a gun now I know who would be getting it first, the cunts