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YO! Listen up! If you haven?t yet heard the word, OFFICER DIBBLE?s BACK ON THE STREET!?OK, calm down now?yeah, that?s right. Anyhow, sorry I couldn?t reply to my many forum fans as they lamented my absence over the past months, but it?s been a mildly trying time for the Officer and his cushty crew. I regret to report that I?ve been subject to investigation and interrogation by Internal Affairs. Seems someone had put the word on the street that I was a seriously moody geezer and a common porn dealer to boot!?I know, totally preposterous. But you know how these rumours can develop a life of their own. Fortunately, after many months, I was able to clear up the misunderstanding in time honoured fashion ? a hearty donation the Police Benevolent Fund! However, it goes without saying that I shall be writing to Blunkett, with all due dispatch, to demand an immediate and thorough public inquiry into the circumstances and events that have led to Officer Dibble, Britain?s foremost Peeler, being treated in such a disgracefully shabby manner. And this certainly isn?t the first time I can tell you. My reputation is in tatters. I can?t go into the details of the matter at this stage as the fat lady has not yet sung in regard of my co-conspirit?.er,? I mean of course my close colleagues. Each one a pillar of society, a beacon of probity, and ?well respected? men in their respective ?hoods.? It?s a scandal. I don?t know what the country?s coming to. You may be sure that once this matter has been cleared up the Officer will be making one of his customary full, frank and fascinating reports.

Anyhow, it?s not all bad news. The events and disruption of the preceding nine months gave me an excuse to take some well earned R&R down on the south coast, shag some classy escort birds (with real tits and no tats) catch up with some old pals in London (alright there Mike, Terry?...) and embark on a series of splendidly gratuitous business lunches with my good friend and colleague Remington Steel. And in a further effort to boost my morale I treated myself to a new 52 grand sports car! ? BMW M3 Cab, Comos Black, Modena Red leather, SMG sequential box, Sat/Nav, TV, electric everything ? It?s fuckin? awesome dude! The first speeding tickets have already arrived! Can?t wait for summer ? crusin? down the High St, hood down, shades on, fielding admiring stares from the local phillys. Hmm, mmm! But hey, come on now, you know it makes sense.

So, henceforth you can expect the odd interesting, incisive, insightful, objective and of course amusing intervention in forum threads. Speaking of which the old forum seems to have gone a bit stale of late. Most of the posts are pretty banal. There only seems to have been half a dozen decent (porno) debates since I last posted. The last interesting one was just the other day when a chap took a metaphorical safety pin to the absurdly ?enhanced? boobies of certain models. Nice one. Anyhow, salvation is at hand. Officer Dibble will be here to fire up flagging threads, re-energise dismal debates and generally put the cat amongst the pigeons.

Before I sign off may I pay tribute to all those that have given my colleagues and I both moral and practical support over the past months. Marcus, Terry, Remington and a legion of others to moody to mention. And a special thank you to my accountant and brief, whose sheer balls, brass, uncompromising commitment to fudging the facts, evading the evidence, and laundering the loot left even one with the nefarious nature of Officer Dibble gasping with admiration and astonishment. Both men stand up guys and a credit to their respective professions. And last, but not least, my publisher. A serial entrepreneur, the last time I spoke to him he was on with something so moody that even I just didn?t want to hear about it ? when he mentioned Her Majesty?s likeness and digital imaging equipment in the same sentence I immediately clasped my hands to my ears and spontaneously burst into a lusty rendition of ?Knees Up Mother Brown.? Top guys one and all.

So there you have it. Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. Now, where?s me old forum pal Magoo? I?m sure he?ll be greatly cheered by the prospect of future forum threads worthy of his inimitable comment.

Catch yer later,


Officer Dibble ? Back on the beat.

you've been away?

a welcome back is in order then, i suppose.

if you want the picture in your profile to display, change the address to: http://www.ukshags.com/Images/Officer%2 ... s/CG9b.jpg

Well done that man for evading the invaders, I should really be posting this in the O/T forum, but I,m drunk with happiness at your return, we were only just grassing......talking about you the other day, someone mentioned tatoos, and I said "you should see dibbles collection" So! an M3 eh? I,m almost jealous, but since the arrival of my X5 in 'drug dealer black' a while ago, I,m not!, your homepage pictures dont do you justice, you look like richard littlejohn with soot on yer face, any way I,m sure Magoo will be as excited as a turkey on xmas eve, and we can look forward to some 'robust' debates............good to see you back!

Tea?

Thanks dude. I almost plumped for an X5 4.6i in Estoril Blue myself, but then decided I wasn't getting any younger, my eyesight?s not what is was and anti-speed fascism was proliferating, so I best make the most of sports car driving while the going was good.

Yeah. Saw the tat debate but I was left feeling a little redundant. Everything that I could have said was more than eloquently put by the some of the most esteemed personalities on the forum -

?It?s all a bit immature? - JJ

?Fashion, the single most stupid reason for ever doing anything.? And also ?Airheads? - Caractacus

?a turn off to me? - Duce Biggalo

And my favorite ? ?I equate tattoos on women with being very low class or trashy.? Bimmercat

?loud and lairy is, well, loud and lairy. It screams: 'I've gotta keep up with the trend, no matter how mindless it is'............? - JJ, again.

There was nothing left for me to add.


Officer Dibble

Well, not to far away. I have been observing the proceedings on a regular basis, but felt it might prejudice certain parties and matters if I were to speak.

Oh, and thanks for the gushing welcome home!


Officer Dibble

Yes, brandishing multiple tattoos is about as asinine and shallow as boasting about one's latest ostentatious automotive acquisition.
The Joneses, should you feel the urge to keep up with or overtake them, are I believe regular contributors to the I'm Compensating for a Very Small Winkie Forum, see Links, left of this page.

...yeah, but it all sounds impressive, though. Surely you can see that, jj? Just a teenie little bit.....?

OK: I'm well impressed with the size of the cylinders around here, DOHC, wow, look at the headlights on that, front and rear spoilers, does a ton and a half in neutral.......
There's nothing inherently wrong with admiring a fine piece of engineering.
But crassly bragging about one's latest amazingly expensve motor is so New Money. It'll be all the ho's he's had down to the farm to smoke his beef, next.......

Couldn't resist dude. I'd also like to dispel the 'top motor, small winkie myth' - Although I admit to being no John Holmes, I have nevertheless, on a number of occasions, been complemented on the dimensions and effectiveness of my "winkie" by appreciative ladies. So there.

Officer 'Smug Peeler' Dibble

Oh, I know it's a tacky, nouvue riche, thing to do, but since I was born in a northern industrial slum can't I be allowed a little leeway on the taste front? You know what it's like, present a starving man with a banquet and he's bound to make a pig of himself. But I am learning a little restraint. Ten years ago I was all sovereign rings and gold chains! In another ten I'll probably have an Aston Martin - but not like to talk about it - and be wearing tweeds and a Barbour jacket.

As for 'ho's smokin' my beef' down on the farm...well, I must confess, there have been one or two since we last crossed keyboards...

Officer Dibble