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Are you happy with the current legal system, do you think burglers and muggers should get community service or a fine. Are judges in touch with reality? me!, I,m not happy with it so here,s Lizards guide to new sentencing for some offences.
1. Burglery (with or without violence) = Stoning
2. Breaking into a car. = stoning, then branding on the bell end
3. Mugging (victim under 30) death by hanging
4. Mugging (victim over 30) removal of limbs with a chain saw, then drowning.
5. Burglery with violence. = Castration in public, branding on the arse, then execution by harpoon, twice.
6. Bank robbery= 2 weeks at Butlins, but no meals. and forced to watch the grumbleweeds on stage
7. Causing distress to a student= victoria cross

I wonder what other readers think, your comments welcome.

Love No.7, if THAT was the case, Jeremy Paxman would be a Duke by now the amount of distress he puts those jumped up slags on University Challenge through. Always worth a watch especially when Paxo decides to 'bully' some poncey University he has taken a personal dislike too.

bamber gascoine was so laid back compared to paxo!

I guess this would reduce the over crowding in HMP's.

iremember the days when they called it a shop sharp shock[the tories]

Well all sorts of things have been put forward to try & cut down the number of prisioners.........."short sharp shock", boot camps, ships off the coast...nothing has worked, crime is still on the increase.

get cliff richard to sing to them that would do it?

Nah! Would provoke public unrest.

Mind you some shops have tried playing classical music on the idea that the music would drive youngers intent on stealing away.

Look! Crime is not linked to unemployment or deprivation because Mrs T. said so for about 10 years. Deportation to Iraq might be the answer. You know I've always hated students, even when I was one. When got out of college (didn't bother with the awards ceremony) I saw a great ad in the paper which said 'Wanted. Young man wanted to come about mid day and sit around maoning about everything' Just wonderful!

Liz I think you sound like one of those bleeding heart liberals that office dibble warned us about.

I like the idea of using harpoons though. They are a much neglected weapon. We here a lot about guns but harpoons never get a mention.

Cruxifiction for people who forget to return their library books. Nail some sense into the bastards!