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"I've got some good news and some bad news" the doctor says. "What's the bad news?" asks the patient. "The bad news is that unfortunately you've only got 3 months to live". The patient is taken back, "What's the good news then Doctor?". The doctor points over to the secretary at the front desk, "You see that blonde with the big breasts, tight arse and legs that go all the way up to heaven?", the patient shakes his head and the doctor replies, "I'm fucking her."

I,ll put the kettle on.....

Hope to God your tea is better than your jokes Liz!!

so he went out with a bang!

Please yerself!!

Missing the point as ever, Steve.

Guy goes into the doctor's and the doc says to him, "I've got some good news and some bad news." "Okay," says the patient, "I'll hear the good news first." The doctor says, "We're going to name the disease after you."

or......the guy goes to the doctors and says evrey time i eat carrots i shit carrots,evreytime i eat peas i shit peas,chips etc,so the doc says why dont you eat shit?

A Pakistani goes into the doctors with a frog on his head, and the doctor says 'whats the problem?' and the frog replies, 'it started with a blackhead on my arse'

Ace joined the army and was terrified about having to make his first parachute jump. On the day of the jump he told his wife that he couldn't do it but she reassured him and sent him off for the jump. On his return she asked him how it went.
"Dreadful!" he said. "When the plane got to 10,000 feet, we lined up for the jump and when it got to my turn I just froze in the doorway!"
"So what happened?" she pressed.
"The Sergeant came up behind me pulled out his huge dick and said that if I didn't jump he's stick it right up my arse!" said the embarrassed husband.
"Well did you jump?" she asked
"Yes, - a little bit at first..."

lmfao!

Miles out as usual Liz. RLC don't do parachute jumps, thats Para's you twat!