I love Lawyers
Posted: Sat Aug 09, 2003 5:10 am
Q. What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
A. Their personalities.
Q. What's brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
A. A doberman.
Q. Why are lawyers buried 12 feet underground?
A. Deep down their good.
Q. What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A. One's a slimy scum-sucking scavenger, the other is just a fish.
Q. Why are lawyers great in bed?
A. They get so much practice screwing people.
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A. The lawyer charges more.
Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A. From chasing parked ambulances.
Q. Where can you find a good lawyer?
A. In the cemetery.
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Q. Why to lawyers wear neckties?
A. To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
Q. What`s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
A. A hooker will stop fucking you when you're dead.
Q. If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A. It might be your bicycle.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.
Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.
Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand
Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A. From chasing parked ambulances.
Q. Where can you find a good lawyer?
A. In the cemetary
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Q. Why to lawyers wear neckties?
A. To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
Q. What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A. When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
Q. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
A: Nothing, there are some things that even a pig won't do.
Q: What is Black and Tan and looks good on a Lawyer?
A: A matched pair of Dobermans.
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: What do you do if you run over a Lawyer?
A: Back over him to make sure.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.
Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a bus load of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.
Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q. What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A. A Lobotomy.
Q. How do you save five drowning lawyers?
A. Who cares?
Q. What do you call a block of cement containing ten lawyers?
A. A waste of cement.
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
A. Their personalities.
Q. What's brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
A. A doberman.
Q. Why are lawyers buried 12 feet underground?
A. Deep down their good.
Q. What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A. One's a slimy scum-sucking scavenger, the other is just a fish.
Q. Why are lawyers great in bed?
A. They get so much practice screwing people.
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A. The lawyer charges more.
Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A. From chasing parked ambulances.
Q. Where can you find a good lawyer?
A. In the cemetery.
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Q. Why to lawyers wear neckties?
A. To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
Q. What`s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
A. A hooker will stop fucking you when you're dead.
Q. If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A. It might be your bicycle.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.
Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.
Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand
Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A. From chasing parked ambulances.
Q. Where can you find a good lawyer?
A. In the cemetary
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Q. Why to lawyers wear neckties?
A. To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
Q. What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A. When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
Q. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
A: Nothing, there are some things that even a pig won't do.
Q: What is Black and Tan and looks good on a Lawyer?
A: A matched pair of Dobermans.
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: What do you do if you run over a Lawyer?
A: Back over him to make sure.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.
Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a bus load of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.
Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q. What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A. A Lobotomy.
Q. How do you save five drowning lawyers?
A. Who cares?
Q. What do you call a block of cement containing ten lawyers?
A. A waste of cement.
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.