Funny as F*ck
Posted: Sat Sep 13, 2003 2:21 pm
> One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike
> behind him, "My elbow hurts terribly. I guess I'd better see a
> doctor."
>
>
> Mike replies, "There's a diagnostic computer at the corner
> drugstore. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell
> you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten
> seconds and costs ten dollars...a heck of a lot cheaper than the
> doctor."
>
>
> So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the
> drugstore.
>
>
> He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for
> the urine sample. He pours the sample into a funnel and waits. Ten
> seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You
> have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
> activity. It will improve in two weeks.
>
>
>
> That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was,
> Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed
> some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine
> samples from his wife and daughter, scraped some oil off the
> driveway and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.
>
>
>
> The following day he hurried back to the drugstore, eager to check
> the results. He deposited his ten dollars, poured in his
> concoction and waited...
>
>
> The computer printed the following
>
> 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener
>
> 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with antifungal shampoo
>
> 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
>
> 4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a
> lawyer.
> 5. Your volvo needs a new cam chain.
>
> 6. And finally...if you don't stop playing with yourself, your
> elbow will never get better
> behind him, "My elbow hurts terribly. I guess I'd better see a
> doctor."
>
>
> Mike replies, "There's a diagnostic computer at the corner
> drugstore. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell
> you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten
> seconds and costs ten dollars...a heck of a lot cheaper than the
> doctor."
>
>
> So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the
> drugstore.
>
>
> He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for
> the urine sample. He pours the sample into a funnel and waits. Ten
> seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You
> have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
> activity. It will improve in two weeks.
>
>
>
> That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was,
> Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed
> some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine
> samples from his wife and daughter, scraped some oil off the
> driveway and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.
>
>
>
> The following day he hurried back to the drugstore, eager to check
> the results. He deposited his ten dollars, poured in his
> concoction and waited...
>
>
> The computer printed the following
>
> 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener
>
> 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with antifungal shampoo
>
> 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
>
> 4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a
> lawyer.
> 5. Your volvo needs a new cam chain.
>
> 6. And finally...if you don't stop playing with yourself, your
> elbow will never get better