egafd.com

A mildy amusing story for you-:

Sheila, the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Bruce. "Bruce, Bruce" she yelled. Bruce came running in. "Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor" she said.
"Strewth" Bruce said and tried to pull her up. "You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get Cobba" (his mate). They came back and they both tried to pull her up.
"No way. We can't do it, let's try Plan B." Cobba said
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce. "What's that"?
"I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we can break the tiles under her and release the vacuum." replied Cobba
"Spot on" Bruce said. "While you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with her tits."
"Play with her tits"? Cobba said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate?"
"No" Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive".

He he.
If you had made that a Scottish joke, would the mods have deleted it on the grounds of racism?

Mart

How do you know when a Glasgow girl has an orgasm?

She drops her chips.


Oh, happy new year to you Antipodeans, Mart and Buttsie.

Do you know the difference between the American mafia and the Glasgow mafia?

Mart

Nope,

The American mafia make you an offer you can't refuse.



The Glasgow mafia make you an offer you can't understand.

Like the Geordies....lol

Mart

Oh God Magoo, that'll be on the menu tomorrow.

Mart

Mmmmmmmmmmmm, deep-fried horse's head. Drool!

You must have the wrong country Lizard

Everybody knows the women downunder live in the kitchen and are tied to the sink(where they bathe daily)

cheers
B....OZ LOL