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Shouldn't you be getting ready for your date with Michelle, standing in the rain for a wash, squirting on some Glade air freshener and putting on your best t-shirt, with bicep space for your tabs?

Sorry, Maggs, the Old Spice went down a treat when I ran out of superlager.

You can have the string vest, no probs, but I fear your fags will slip through the overstretched bits.

Best of luck in seeking your Nat King.

Oh, and the horse's head stays where it is until Aria Giovanni is delivered to my door in her best glamour gear.

While your humour is rather refined, I wouldn't refer to you as a dry ginger.

Brut 55 for the same reason as Heinz 57---the 56s are all rather peculiar. The Heinz 56 sausages refused to share a tin with the beans, while claiming all the time that they weren't racist.

In the meantime, would Blue Stratos do?

She is a fine looking woman. Daniela Nardini, of This Life fame, is another with the Italian ice cream connection.

I've just realised my ultimate grandfather was probably called Naughtius Maximus.

You mentioned Hai Karate. You know what that means: a 20-post thread from "him" about the fabulous Valerie Leon and her enormous frontage.