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Aaaah your first ever car, there's always room in your heart for your very first car. The sense of freedom, the excitement of your first trips out with your mates with you at the wheel, the calls to the AA, forgetting that it needs oil as well as fuel, polishing the bloody thing at weekends....great days.

So what was yours and was it any good? Mine was a 1970 Trafalgar Blue 2-door Morris Minor 1000 and it was fucking belter. It afforded me a kind of eccentric status as it was already ancient when I took to the road in it in summer 1989 and it was way cooler than my all my mate's knackered Chevettes and Fords. I loved that car and still get a bit nostalgic when I see a similar car on the road. On the downside it was seriously slow and the brakes were dangerously ineffective but what the hell.

First ever car Rude Boy? Give me a couple of months and I'll be able to tell you!

Taking lessons next week...

He he! Good luck mate! I personally was crap at driving in the USA, I just couldn't get my head 'round it although my debut in Brooklyn was much more successful than my experiences in Florida last year. Having Louise G berating me from the passenger seat didn't help either...never again!

No doubt you'll soon be in the market for a swanky US motor suited to a happening young chap like yourself? I love the look of that new Chrysler Crossfire and I dare say it will be a darned (As you would say!) site cheaper over there than it is here.

So the Blues have kicked off their season already! I get full updates from "About Anglia" AND the window-cleaner.

Yep, they kicked off win a handy 2-1 win, let's hope it's the first of many for the tractor boys. I was going to subscribe to the club website so I could see video clips of all the goals, but I've just discovered a pirate site that shows them for free!

By the looks of things, they tape the goals off local tv and then convert them into an Mpeg - works for me!

I'm looking forward to driving although the missus has given me a vote of confidence by saying that she'll only get in the car with me if she can wear a crash helmet.

The window cleaner rates Town's keeper...he should know! I have the amazing Dora coming over from Budapest on Thursday, I'm sure I sent you countless jpegs of her as she is my new favourite (Well she was until I met Mia Stone!).

So, having been a civilian for a few months now, do you miss anything about the jizz biz?

Not really, apart from the beef and ale pies at the Chequers!

I thought I'd miss all the free dvds, but I think I've seen enough porn films and mags to last me a lifetime.

Saying that, if you ever get Sandy over to your Essex HQ I think I'd have to fly back and assist you on the shoot!

Illinios, surely your first car would either be a big red F150 pick-up truck with a gun rack in it, or some sort of pink Caddy?

A Pink Cadillac? I see what you've done there!

"Saying that, if you ever get Sandy over to your Essex HQ I think I'd have to fly back and assist you on the shoot!"

Ok, you're on and I'll take you for a pie at "The Chequers" too. I've not managed to lure her over as yet but sexy little Mia Stone is due over which is totally cool although I'm going to be suicidal when she goes home!