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Frankie the spider is about to be made homeless (shedless), due to the low price of DVD Authoring these days keeping a pet in one's shed is crippling. Not to mention the capital gains tax involved with lodgers. Once opon a time she would catch 50,000 insects p/year in her 1950's style retro-web...
After speaking to Rolf Harris today, pet rescue was unable to help, as they have been inundated with mentally scarred gerbils from the trisha show & a pig from The Farm who is obsessively pursuing sexual stimulation from Z-list celebrities. Not to mention the half Manx half Shedland pony with a penchant for directors with pigtails....
A Docushed crew recently did a number on Frankie the spider leaving her feeling hollow & unloved, they promised to make an informative and insightful film, rather than the sensational tabloid-stylie reactionary supposed documentary. And after the show they took back the boot of the Porsche Boxster which Frankie was going to live in, with only a Web-site left to her name. Her little legs are having to spin 200 updates needed per month which is making her wish she was a garden plant and not the simple garden spider she is.
You should also know that if you contact me for a chat you are in no way obliged to take part and that if you did decide to take part I understand that you may wish to remain anonymous. Again, I'm happy to discuss ways in which this could be done creatively.
Contact: jackregan@bettieshotpotTV.co.uk

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Frankie is willing to change her name & have some free plastic surgery...

(Fred's 6x8 has alot to answer for!)

Mr Show you complete and utter BARRRSTARD

How dare you make a play on words regarding a hard hitting docuporn shown recently on TV and generally respected by the entire universe? Why sir you are playing with people?s sheds and spiders in an attempt to MOCK? You sir need to be given a jolly good thrashing with the gee string of a fair maiden for taking the rise out of people?s attempts at scuttering an industry. Your cheap comments about DVD authoring are childish and no good will come of them just you heed my words!

I made every attempt to contact you off forum at the address you posted but moments after sending the mail a Ford Granada skidded in to my shed and then two geezers exited calling me a slaaaaag and rendered me a bloody good beating. I feel it fair to point out that I was wearing a stereotypical bad guy turtle neck jumper at the time and my Austin Allegro was illegally parked on a bloke named Betty.

Fred (now with a Granada wedged in his shed)

I once kept a spider in me shed, some hooligans set fire to it
and now it,s dead
I,m not bothered, in any case, another one came and took it,s place.
this ones big and mean as fuck, with arms like a man
who drives a truck
It's spun a web as big as a cloud, and recently auditioned
for girls aloud
It wont be doing work for TV, so it aint gonna need no therapy
it,s busy spinning silk for me, whilst I sit back and drink me tea!

int sherry grate.

Lordy Lordy !

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But guv, you told be to lean on the pigeon with the turtleneck who grassed on the brass, with the bubble who ponces for frankie the spiv! Any old skool peeler worth his salt knows you cant blag a bleeder who's done choky after going canary to the old bailey beek. George, bag n' tag the turtle, let the wooden tops drop him at the office as I've got a date with a snout in the bottle & Knife eastend booozer......Who parked me bleeedin granada in a dutch barn, but guv its a shed.....

"Come outa the shed & get your trousers on son, you're nicked" and "Shut it!"

how do you get the spider to move about?

Steve56

If you continue to ask obvious questions I?ll frow you from the second floor Sweeney style and then run you down with me Ford Granada you Slaaaaag!
That?s no ordinary spider, that?s Frankie Bigshows special on line top governor spider!

Of course he may have got all mega tech on your ass and used an animated giff at



Bigshow for Prime minister, he?s got my vote

Fred (in a polling booth shed)

Thx for the vote of confidence Fred...

But a life of rent boys, spin doctors, cottaging on clapham common, documentaries of mass destruction, greasing palms & buttering arses....
And then finally to be found hanging by a belt, choked to death with an orange mobile phone in my gob! thx but, no thx....

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(Tony Blair's got under floor heating & a boy called pedro in his shed)

What do I do about me donkey?

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Well butter my arse if I aint no good at this votin milarky.
As promised I just went down to the old pollin station to vote for Bigshow to get the PMs job and some snotty little bleeder tells me voting was last week. So I comes home thinking I?d do a postal vote and paste jam on me bollox if the bloody bastards at polling station on line daint come out with the same load of old twoddle that the snotty bleeder did. I?m really startin to loose faith in this country now because me neighbour tells me it?ll be four years before me pollin station opens again. I mean four fcukin years what an easy job them pollin people have.


Fred (With no faith in his shed)