egafd.com

1. Women are like ........Laxatives ...... They irritate the sh*t out of you.
2. Women are like .......Melons ...... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Women are like ........Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change their minds.
4. Women are like ........Blenders .... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Women are .......Cunts ....
6. Women are like ....Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Women are like ........Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
8. Women are like .Parking Spots ....... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

So your entering into Stand-Up?

I'm sure one eyed dick is laughing at you

[IMG]http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/3653/oneeyeddicka8fh.th.jpg[/IMG]

cheers
B....OZ

On the subject of lightening up, I remembered the old Spike Milligan joke:

When Shergar got kidnapped by the IRA, they sent one of his legs to his owners with a message saying:

'We want one million pounds or the horse will never run again'.

lol,i have the Q dvd somewhere ill have to watch again.

Made me smile.

Number five is to the point isn't it?

Of course, none of the women who post here are cunts.

I found this posted somewhere, the first part is very similar to marino's but in reverse, the second part is the retaliation




******disclaimer... these are not my thoughts or words , just posting them for your amusment*******

1. Men are like .......Laxatives .... They irritate the shit out of you.

2. Men are like ........ Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ........ Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like ........ Blenders ..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like ....... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ....... Commercials .. You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like ........ Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like ........ Government Bonds ..... They take soooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ....... Mascara ...... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ....... Popcorn . .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like ..... Snowstorms ...... Yo u never know when they're coming,
how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like ........ Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but no t very bright.

13. Men are like ........ Parking Spots ......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.





Men Strike Back!!!


How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The do g, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Thank you Tas.

I knew it came from somewhere, my pal e mailed me that I thought I would stick it up to lift the mood a little, well done sir.