I Have A Terrible Confession To Make
Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 4:39 pm
One morning, when I was a child, I let off a fart so terrible and vengeful that I followed-through, and had to change my underpants. On that particular morning my father had agreed to drop me off at school before continuing on to his job as a fireman at the airport. We were a crucial ten minutes late.
After dropping me at school, he hurried on to the airport. This morning he had the very important task of testing the response time of a new firefighting appliance - The Challenger, a large vehicle with a tank-like turret on the top which could pour foam on an aircraft fire from great distances.
Today, any plane on the runway would have to wait until this test was over before taking off - a likely delay of 15 mins.
He arrived at work about 8 minutes late and quickly got The Challenger ready for the test. Outside, an Air India flight to Calcutta was taking off on time. It would have been delayed if my father had been on time.
As he drove the massive vehicle onto the airport, a BOAC flight to America was being told that it would have to wait about 15 mins before taking off.
On board was my uncle George, a petty criminal. He had hoped to have caught the previous US flight, but was late as usual. Now he was even further behind schedule.
On arrival in the States he quickly rented a car and floored the accelerator. Being late for this rendezvous was not an option. Pretty soon there was a police car on his tail. Then another. Then another.
As he drove into the city centre, it was practically a convoy.
Up ahead he noticed a road junction with no traffic lights, and he saw a limousine with police escort approaching the junction from the right. Surely, he thought, they will stop to allow him and his army of police pursuers to pass.
They did indeed. Now focused solely on the task of shaking off his police entourage and delivering his consignment of Cuban clockwork clitoral stimulators on time, he forgot about the limousine.
The limousine and its police escort were now a crucial ten seconds behind schedule.
We now have, on record, eye-witness testimony that the man in the back seat dropped his cigar case in the limousine several seconds before the motorcade made its next turn and that he spent about ten seconds bent over, searching for it.
Having found it, The President sat up again just as the motorcade entered Dealy Plaza.
After dropping me at school, he hurried on to the airport. This morning he had the very important task of testing the response time of a new firefighting appliance - The Challenger, a large vehicle with a tank-like turret on the top which could pour foam on an aircraft fire from great distances.
Today, any plane on the runway would have to wait until this test was over before taking off - a likely delay of 15 mins.
He arrived at work about 8 minutes late and quickly got The Challenger ready for the test. Outside, an Air India flight to Calcutta was taking off on time. It would have been delayed if my father had been on time.
As he drove the massive vehicle onto the airport, a BOAC flight to America was being told that it would have to wait about 15 mins before taking off.
On board was my uncle George, a petty criminal. He had hoped to have caught the previous US flight, but was late as usual. Now he was even further behind schedule.
On arrival in the States he quickly rented a car and floored the accelerator. Being late for this rendezvous was not an option. Pretty soon there was a police car on his tail. Then another. Then another.
As he drove into the city centre, it was practically a convoy.
Up ahead he noticed a road junction with no traffic lights, and he saw a limousine with police escort approaching the junction from the right. Surely, he thought, they will stop to allow him and his army of police pursuers to pass.
They did indeed. Now focused solely on the task of shaking off his police entourage and delivering his consignment of Cuban clockwork clitoral stimulators on time, he forgot about the limousine.
The limousine and its police escort were now a crucial ten seconds behind schedule.
We now have, on record, eye-witness testimony that the man in the back seat dropped his cigar case in the limousine several seconds before the motorcade made its next turn and that he spent about ten seconds bent over, searching for it.
Having found it, The President sat up again just as the motorcade entered Dealy Plaza.