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Due to continued whine and whinge, I propose a monthly banter thread for you to deposit your witty one-liners, overheard funny patter, anecdotes or shite jokes.

I've got too many shite jokes, too many lingering meandering anecdotes, so here's a good line I heard off my mate last week when watching the Champs league final:

Upon discussing the relative merits of Ronaldinho vs. Maradona, Pele, Cruyff, Best, Puskas et al, we concluded that Ronaldinho is the ONLY MAN ON THE PLANET that can eat an apple through a letterbox.

He can also skin an orange through a tennis racket.

!laugh!

Scots boys: a new wanking euphemism: "blistering the boabie". !wink!

Right-o fudgey:

Read on a forum where a 'merkin' was getting annoying:

Wouldn't it be odd if the US was filled with imigrants from all over Europe
who spent all their time in pointless power strugles over the title of being definitively 'American'?

"The Billy Mill roundabout"

(aka the point of no return, the vinegar strokes) !cool!

The question was "how do I post images?"

The answer "If I pritt stick mine to my monitor then headbut it really hard, it magics it onto all of the internet"

I poroposed today that it will be possible to e-mail your ironing to your mother.

Scan it in, it comes out the other end.

Ridiculous.


But one day, a reality!

fudgeflaps wrote:

[quote]Ronaldinho is the ONLY MAN ON THE PLANET that can eat an apple through a letterbox[/quote]

and Janet Street Portor can strip a forest to build a dam across the Thames in 1h43mins (inc lunch break).

My wife has just been watching a programme on BBC1 about whales. In the film, it was pointed out that a whale's head contains about 150 gallons of oil. This extremely valuable oil has been used to lubricate certain delicate machinery.

What was not mentioned in the film is that, in Victorian times, this commodity was occasionally procured by means of a hand-held harpoon, which was equipped with the tip of a bull's horn for its point. This harpoon was known as a 'beef-hook'.

The oil thus procured was sold in very expensive bottles of only two fluid ounces as 'whale oil (beef-hooked)'.

Interestingly, this product was never successfully marketed in Ireland, as one can readily imagine the misunderstanding that might be caused by someone ordering a bottle of the oil in an Irish accent.......

I think we should start another online survey

arse wiping -- are you in the folding camp or scrunching?

folding for me every time !hmmm!

Folding, doubling & folding again (just incase) !wink!

Arse origami for me boys.

First a flower,

then the DNA mlecule!