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Heard this one last night, cracked me up!

An octopus goes into a bar.

The barman says, "I bet you can play any musical instrument!"...

"I sure can", replies the octopus. So the barman throws him a guitar, the octopus plays a Led Zep solo. He chucks in a banjo, the octopus plays a ditty, he chips in a violin which the octopus plays at grade 10.

"here, play this", asks the barman as he throws the octopus some bagpipes.

The octopus struggles. It wrestles, strains and looks like it's fighting with said bagpipes.

"ah-ha! I thought you could play ANY instrument!!!!" shouts the barman.

"What?" goes the octopus half-distracted, "I'm trying to the pyjamas off this thing, so I can fuck her!!".



Boom boom, tsh!

!tumbleweed!

!tumbleweed!

!tumbleweed!

Its an old one fudge, but the old ones are the best !love!

Ta.

In my 29 years I've never heard it.

Just like the one about the Origami TV channel........

Pay-per-view, apparently.

Another one I heard today.............. but seriously, as heatedly debated on the BNP thread !rant!, the atmosphere HAS gone a bit Nuremberg here. It makes interesting reading at times- some of it is pseudo-intellectual armchair-racist pish !adolf!, each to their own.......... but where has the camaderie gone? !clown! Banter seems to have been replaced by one-upmanship:

!grin! --------> !rant! !happy!----------> !sad!

Look what's happened to:

Dibble:

!rant! !wink!-------> !rant! !rant! !rant!

Caractacus:

!teacher! -----------> !swear!

Jock Strap:

!drink! !grin! !sick! ---------> !holiday!

Lara Lee:

!baby! ---------> !queen! (!wink!)

Jacques:

!laugh!-----> !annoyed!----> !holiday! (fucked off) ------> !party! (came back)

And I'm now so corrupted and confused:

!innocent! ------> arse !pirate! how about it !duckie! ?------> !oops! -----> !doh!

I lost concentration halfway through my post, excuse my fucking about. !hic!

it might've worked if you hadn't fucked up the punchline!