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Option 1

Slap her thigh and ride in on the ripples.

Option 2

Say "go on then, fart and give us a clue".

Option 3

Cover her in flour and go for the damp patch!

Here endeth the lesson.

How to "shag" a fat "bird"? Easy! Do it doggy-style! Missionary position is NOT easy (unless you've got either a lot of stamina or strong arms) because her stomach is too big.