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Saw this on a TV comedy show a few weeks ago (8 out of 10 cats ?)

Phrases you never hear in a James Bond Movie....like


Here are your gadgets back Q, I did not use them

(Female) - It is supposed to be that soft James ?

(Female) - Sorry James, wrong time of the month.

Here is your car James - a Ford Fiesta

Also:

'Like fuck I'm jumping in that pool full of sharks, what do you take me for, a cunt?'

(female) 'Don't cum inside me, whatever you do.'

'Can I just put the tip inside your arse?'

'Stirred, NEVER shaken'

'Are you on the pill?'

'Can I see your tests?'

(female) 'I only use Eros, KY just gives me a rash.'

'Ok I'll go to Russia, Malaysia & Mexico on a killing spree, but do you pay travel expenses?'

Fuck the mission. I'm in this for the pusssssaaaay! Hot damn!

"Ah, Q, I hope you've got some sexual euphemisms for me, because I'm all out."
"There's nothing like a big bang first thing in the morning. Or a blowjob. Either is fine."
"Put up a brave front, Moneypenny. It shouldn't be difficult with those jugs. By which I mean ladies breasts.
I'd heard that American ladies are full of spunk. Well, you certainly are now."
"I like my Martinis like I like my women - oiled and naked and gagging for it. And they also have to have big tits."
"Is that a pistol in your pocket, Mr Bond, or do you just have an erection?"

"I like my eggs scrambled, not boiled".

From 'mock the week', BBC 2.

"Fuck the script. Just suck my fat fucking cock now, Miss Hairycunny"

Would you please blow into this bag,sir?

Mr Bond I'm placing you under arrest for the rape of... (insert the name of every Bond girl baddie that Connery and Moore strong holded into a clinch)

no i wont come in your mouth.