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Mary Whitehouse was standing in Trafalgar Square at a religious rally and suddenly there was a clap of thunder from the heavens and God descended and landed on the plinth below Nelson's Column.
Mary exclaimed "Good God get your pants on for heaven's sake"

What is your best religious joke?
Mike Freeman.

...............tumbleweed.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her as an altar boy.

Very funny Carac, back to your blazing best. ps: is it cold where you are I was in Manchester yesterday and the sun was shining (well, what bit I saw of it) and today it's colder than a witches tit.
So it must be fucking freezing in the glens..

The sun is shining, Liz, but there's still a chill in the air.

Well all I can say from sunny old Scotland is it is DEFINATELY the hottest day of the year today, fucking roasting and the fanny is canny as they know doubt say in Geordieland (where it is probably Ice Station Zebra temps).

Ian Paisley was giving a storming fire and brimstone sermon. Come the day of judgement, 'There will be,' he thundered from the pulpit, 'much gnashing of teeth.'
A little old lady on the front row says, 'But Reverend Paisley, I dont have any teeth.'
'Teeth' he replied, 'will be PRO-VIDED'

Jesus walks into a chip shop, and says "Can I have some chips please?".

LOOOOOOOOOL. 427th best Jesus joke told.

A wee lad wearing a Celtic strip gets hit by a car outside Parkhead. He is lying in the middle of the road in agony, death upon him.

An elderly gentleman spots the boy and runs over to him. Knowing he is close to death, the man says to the young lad:

"Would you like me to get a priest son?"

The boy replies:

"I'm fookin dying here, sex is the last thing on my mind!"