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Are you having problems with unsolicited phones calls? Well, here's the remedy. Do a Norman Collier rountine to them down the phone. Pretend you've got a faulty line which keeps breaking up and listen to the foreign call centre operative as they go round and round in vocal circles! I've done it and it works !pleased!

Don't get mad - get even !wicked!

They're becoming beyond a joke.

An old neighbour up the road had a call about a new mobile phone -even though he's never had one; he's 72- and he told them he wasn't interested. As usual, they don't take 'no' for an answer so he just hung up on them. He went into the kitchen to make himself a cuppa, came back, and picked up the receiver to call a friend, and the guy from the call centre was still rabbiting on!

He told them to 'piss off' as he wanted to use his phone, to which they again offered him some different deal. Again he put the phone down and picked it up again about 30 seconds later, and they still hadn't hung up! He said he wanted to speak to a superior to which they got the message and apologised.

He was 72. What if he'd been in the middle of a heart attack and wanted to call himself an ambulance?

Fucking ridiculous.

The other evening I had four calls from an Indian call centre in the space of about 3 hours. After the second caller had tried to sell me a kitchen extension my patience ran out - that's when the third caller phoned and I used the Norman Collier rountine. I chuckled to myself as he couldn't fathom out what I was saying !laugh! I used it again on the fourth caller - to much merriment from yours truly !pleased!

I always know when it's a call from one of these call centres because when you pick-up the phone there is no one there for about 15 - 20 seconds whilst their computerised call management system searches for an operator.

This is to save their call operators having to wait whilst the phone rings; the computer diverts an answered call to a free operator as soon as one becomes free.

This means the operators don't get to "rest" between calls.

Anyway, the way to deal with the call is to put the phone down as soon as you realise there is no one on the other end. You don't get called again until your number comes up in the computer again, and if it was an important call from someone you want to call you, they will call again.

My phone rings.

Me: Hello

Caller: Very good afternoon sir (it's 9:45 in the evening!).

Me: Yes, what do you what?

Caller: My name is Douglas (!confused!) and I very muchly wanting to speaks to your very good self so's I can ask your goodly self some questions?

Me: Questions?

Caller: Yes indeedy sir, questions about insurance in your jolly old housing.

Me: In...ance.

Caller: Uh? May I first asking you very muchly for sirsing naming?

Me: Yes, my naming is Mr...........ez

Caller: Um... I do not very muchly have understanding your sirs name?

Me: Oh, my address is , number...... at........ road..... in...... shire, in .......land.

Caller: I'm not very much understanding what sirs in saying. Could repeat pleasing?

Me: I'm n........ in.........ance, as I............enty......... see.

Caller: I'm trying hardling to understanding you agains sirsing.

Me: Oh, you're coming through....... and cl......

Caller: I am very much wanting your information about your insurancing?

Me: I've said that........... as............ plenty......... at.......... you see?

Caller: Er?

Me: Lo......I've........ any............. brim..........society, have........that?

Caller: I am very muchly confusing. (Voice in background - supervisor?). I'm needing to go now sirs.

Me: ......ye and...of......uk.

Hang up phone. !laugh!

Thing is trumpy, that is a tricky technique to pull off, needs a wee bit of practice at least! Thing is it might sound good to you from Trumpster-vision, but the callcentre may be repeating itself as it could also be thinking you are a mong with a bad stammer!! !wink! I know that's how I sound, can't convince myself to think I'll get good at it, though.

'Manualism' (squeezing fart sound from trapped air in your clasped hand cavity is easy enough to do to strike a few notes, but check this guy: waste of a life, but mastery nonetheless! :-

remember to turn up the sound in it's toolbar.

Marvel and enjoy.

fudgeflaps wrote:

> Thing is trumpy, that is a tricky technique to pull off, needs
> a wee bit of practice at least!

I've had plenty of practice as I've been doing my Norman Collier routine for a while now.

I've also found that the line from these Indian call centres is always bad with buzzing and whistling sounds in the background. I use this to assist me with my ruse !wink!