The war on Twunttery
Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 3:47 pm
Britain?s street gang thing, let's face it they?re shit at it.
For example, the ?Nogga Dogs?, yes 'Nogga Dogs' for fuck?s sake!
Is a ?Nogga Dog? not a character from a pre-school TV show on CBoobies?
?Igglepiggle?, ?Makka Pakka?, ?Upsy Daisy?, ?The Haahoos?, ?Nogga Dog? ...sounds a perfect name. And when this particular bunch of juvenile twunts are not calling themselves the Nogga Dogs they are apparently known as the ?Strand Gang????
Err ....that?s not a gang name either, it?s an old-time musical hall act, a bunch of ageing thesps scratching out a living on the Saga circuit by telling old jokes and singing medleys of traditional Cock-er-ney songs while wearing demob suits covered in cheap buttons. Where's me washboard an' all that.
And then the ?Croxteth Crew?, not only do they get zero for originality, but is that really a street gang, or is it a local rowing club? ' I say Tarquin, stroke!!'
The simple fact is that British twunts are basically shit when it comes to trying to imitate American gang culture - they can?t even manage to come up with a halfway decent gang name.
Think about it.
The Hells Angels, and the name alone conjures evocative images of big fuck-off bikers cruising American highways on ornately decorated custom Harleys.
As gangs go, the Hells Angels have got it all; the seriously cool name, the logo, the bikes, the image, the reputation? mention the Hells Angels and you can?t help but think of Easy Rider; PeterFonda and Denis Hopper out on the open road on a pair of bad boy choppers with Steppenwolf blaring away on the soundtrack.
Whatever you might think of the lifestyle, when it comes to the ?look? the Hells Angels are just fucking cool.
Then you?ve got the two best-known and most notorious LA street gangs; The Bloods and The Crips.
Even if you?ve absolutely no fucking idea what either gang is about, just on the names alone you know damn well that you want to keep as far away from them, and their territory, as humanly possible.
Having a gang name like ?Bloods? or ?Crips? automatically sends a simple and extremely compelling message - we?re a bunch of scary-ass motherfuckers and you really, seriously, don?t want to mess with us.
What kind of message does a name like ?Nogga Dogs? send out?
We?re a bunch of spotty-faced chavscum wannabes. A bunch of shiftless halfwits slouching down the street with their hands in their pockets mumbling their special gang song?
Here come the Nogga Doggas. Splish-Splash. Splish-Splash.
Here come the Nogga Doggas. Splish-Splash-Splosh.
Take away their guns and more people would die laughing at the sight of them than anything else.
We have to get the message over to Britain?s twunts that there really is nothing big or clever about trying to imitate American gang culture?
?because they?re shit at it. Just embarrassingly, humiliatingly, crap.
What do they have? A communal 15 year old Mini Metro ?customised? with a cheap Halfords body kit and hole drilled in the exhaust, wear ?6.99 hoodies bought at the local market and a knock-off, ?Burberry? cap, hang around outside the local corner shop begging for a punter to go in an buy them 10 Silk Cut and a 2 litre bottle of Woodpecker.
The message we really need to get across to these twunts is that its really not cool to be a member of a street gang because you?ve got absolutely no sense of style and you look like a complete cunt.
For example, the ?Nogga Dogs?, yes 'Nogga Dogs' for fuck?s sake!
Is a ?Nogga Dog? not a character from a pre-school TV show on CBoobies?
?Igglepiggle?, ?Makka Pakka?, ?Upsy Daisy?, ?The Haahoos?, ?Nogga Dog? ...sounds a perfect name. And when this particular bunch of juvenile twunts are not calling themselves the Nogga Dogs they are apparently known as the ?Strand Gang????
Err ....that?s not a gang name either, it?s an old-time musical hall act, a bunch of ageing thesps scratching out a living on the Saga circuit by telling old jokes and singing medleys of traditional Cock-er-ney songs while wearing demob suits covered in cheap buttons. Where's me washboard an' all that.
And then the ?Croxteth Crew?, not only do they get zero for originality, but is that really a street gang, or is it a local rowing club? ' I say Tarquin, stroke!!'
The simple fact is that British twunts are basically shit when it comes to trying to imitate American gang culture - they can?t even manage to come up with a halfway decent gang name.
Think about it.
The Hells Angels, and the name alone conjures evocative images of big fuck-off bikers cruising American highways on ornately decorated custom Harleys.
As gangs go, the Hells Angels have got it all; the seriously cool name, the logo, the bikes, the image, the reputation? mention the Hells Angels and you can?t help but think of Easy Rider; PeterFonda and Denis Hopper out on the open road on a pair of bad boy choppers with Steppenwolf blaring away on the soundtrack.
Whatever you might think of the lifestyle, when it comes to the ?look? the Hells Angels are just fucking cool.
Then you?ve got the two best-known and most notorious LA street gangs; The Bloods and The Crips.
Even if you?ve absolutely no fucking idea what either gang is about, just on the names alone you know damn well that you want to keep as far away from them, and their territory, as humanly possible.
Having a gang name like ?Bloods? or ?Crips? automatically sends a simple and extremely compelling message - we?re a bunch of scary-ass motherfuckers and you really, seriously, don?t want to mess with us.
What kind of message does a name like ?Nogga Dogs? send out?
We?re a bunch of spotty-faced chavscum wannabes. A bunch of shiftless halfwits slouching down the street with their hands in their pockets mumbling their special gang song?
Here come the Nogga Doggas. Splish-Splash. Splish-Splash.
Here come the Nogga Doggas. Splish-Splash-Splosh.
Take away their guns and more people would die laughing at the sight of them than anything else.
We have to get the message over to Britain?s twunts that there really is nothing big or clever about trying to imitate American gang culture?
?because they?re shit at it. Just embarrassingly, humiliatingly, crap.
What do they have? A communal 15 year old Mini Metro ?customised? with a cheap Halfords body kit and hole drilled in the exhaust, wear ?6.99 hoodies bought at the local market and a knock-off, ?Burberry? cap, hang around outside the local corner shop begging for a punter to go in an buy them 10 Silk Cut and a 2 litre bottle of Woodpecker.
The message we really need to get across to these twunts is that its really not cool to be a member of a street gang because you?ve got absolutely no sense of style and you look like a complete cunt.
