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Rolls Royce Shows the Way Forward

Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 10:44 am
by Deano!
I was just having a look at the official Rolls Royce website -

and I'm fucking impressed (as Her Majesty would say).

Now, you might wonder what a dead-ordinary worker like me is doing looking at a website featuring cars that I could never hope to own. Well, it's like looking at Anna Kournikova* - I'll never get to rub oil all over her arse and lick ice cream off her tits but it's fun to think about.

Anyway, I would say that firms like Rolls Royce are the way ahead for British industry. High value, technologically advanced products with a real emphasis on quality and exclusivity are the way ahead and will once again MAKE BRITAIN GREAT!!!

The first thing I will be doing as self-appointed Minister for British Industrial Development is to instill a renewed sense of self-worth in British youth. I will insist that all school students are required to excel in at least one subject or skill before they are allowed to graduate. They must experience the feeling of being special at something (so long as it's not bashing or drinking).

My next directive will be to scrap all those pointless 'Mickey Mouse' training courses that teach vastly outdated techniques for jobs that will never exist and spend the money on fewer but far more high quality courses that will produce tech college graduates with real skills to work with. I will also establish standards to which British industrial producers must reach before they can qualify for special tax concessions or assistance with exports.

I will also lead a campaign against the endless conveyor belt of 'built to break' cheap consumer crap in favour of HIGH QUALITY built to last products as a NEW ERA in environmentalism. I mean, no one says "Look at the big pile of Chinese shit that I own." No, they say "Look at this beautifully crafted chair that is super comfortable, looks great and will last 200 years." I will have Jordan boasting that her British made vibrator might have cost 5 times as much as the Asian competitor but is heaps more powerful and is rechargeable and even 98% recyclable. Imagine drinking your morning tea from a mug that was once a vibrator shoved up Jordan's twat!

Come on Britain, arise from your slumber and SHINE ONCE MORE!!

*My spell checker thinks 'Kournikova' should be spelled 'Kalashnikov'. Hmmmmm

Re: Rolls Royce Shows the Way Forward

Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 11:09 am
by schist
I think you'll find Rolls-Royce motors are owned by BMW...Rolls-Royce however is a British company as well as being one of the worlds leading engineering firms.
Glad you kept the 'hyphen' !

Sorry I couldn't resist....big brake recall at the moment!

Re: Rolls Royce Shows the Way Forward

Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 2:12 pm
by Sam Slater
[quote]My spell checker thinks 'Kournikova' should be spelled 'Kalashnikov'. Hmmmmm[/quote]

You're real name is Shamil Basayev and you should have died in 2006. Admit it.


Re: Rolls Royce Shows the Way Forward

Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 10:00 pm
by Deano!
Well, bugger me with one of Jordan's old vibrators! I didn't realise there was a hyphen in Rolls-Royce. Well spotted. I only found out recently that the word circuit had the 'i' in it. Now I know everything.

Yes, Rolls are owned by BMW and have their motors inside. I remember feeling a bit sad that they had to do this, but most of the super sexy sports cars driven by those toffy stock broker wankers with their bloody 19 year old bikini model girlfriends have motors from Ford or GM under the bonnet anyway.

But Rolls-Royce still design and make all the other things that make a Roller special and I think it's one of those icon businesses that should be valued.


Re: Rolls Royce Shows the Way Forward

Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 10:06 pm
by Deano!
Sam Slater wrote:

> You're real name is Shamil Basayev and you should have died in
> 2006. Admit it.

Ha! That's nothing. I've worked out that you use the name 'Sam Slater' on this forum and that you haven't died yet. It's true I died 4 years ago, but I cunningly predicted everything that would be posted on this forum in the future, wrote responses and set my computer up to post them off at precisely the right times to make it appear I was still alive. Of course, I've just undone all that effort by admitting what has been happening. But wait! Why did I also write this post in advance then?

All so confusing.