O/T but hopefully amusing
Posted: Sat Oct 05, 2002 7:16 am
There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman says to the Chihuahua guy, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The guy with the Doberman says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, he puts on a pair of dark glasses, and starts to walk in. The doorman says, "Sorry, no pets allowed." The Doberman guy says, "You don't understand. This is my guide dog." The doorman says, "A Doberman Pinscher?" "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good."...."OK, come on in."
The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of shades and starts to walk in. The doorman again says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The Chihuahua guy says
"You don't understand. This is my guide dog." "What, a bleeding Chihuahua?"
The guy says, "You mean the bastards gave me a Chihuahua?"
A chicken farmer wakes up and goes to check on his prize cock. As he nears the coop he can see two legs sticking up in the air. It's on its back, stone dead. The devastated farmer wanders about crying in anguish. This rooster, with the best tackle he had ever seen, had been servicing his hens for years.
The farmer looks through the local classifieds for a new cock. He finds an ad, phones the number and arranges to see one that afternoon. He pulls up in his van, and a man comes over:
"Are you here about the cock"? "Yes" replies the farmer. "Follow me"....he follows the man to a coop where a hugely-endowed rooster is strutting about.>
"Jesus" says the farmer. "He's amazing, how much? "A fiver."
"Why so cheap? Is he sterile?" "No, far from it" "What's wrong with him then?" "He's a talking cock" "Who cares, I'll take him."
He bundles his new stud into the back of his van and goes home. The cock spends the whole journey shouting "I need some birds, my loins are hot for your hens".
They arrive, the farmer lets the cock out and he struts about shouting "where are they, let me at 'em !!" The farmer points in the direction of 5 huge hen coops, the rooster disappears in a cloud of dust, and the farmer retires to his house for a cup of tea.
Two hours later there is a knock at the door. Looking distinctly knackered and short of a few feathers the cock comes into the kitchen. The farmer tells him he should take a nap.
"What?!" screams the cock "I'm not finished" "But you've shagged 500 hens?" "I'm not finished," yells the cock "You must have some more birds" "......Well, there's the ducks by the pond.."
A huge cloud of dust and the cock is gone.
An hour later the rooster returns, gasping, and nearly bald.
"My god, are you alright"? says the farmer. "Come in and have some supper" "No way," says the cock, "I've still got a full sack. Have you got any more birds"?
"Well," says the farmer, "You could try the geese, but be careful, they're big buggers" "Great!" says the cock. "Where are they"? The farmer points to the hill behind the farmhouse. A huge cloud of dust, and the farmer is on his own again.
The farmer has his supper and falls asleep. The next morning the farmer goes outside and looks for his prize rooster. He is nowhere to be found. The farmer looks towards the hill and can see vultures circling above.
"Oh my God!" He runs over, and as he approaches he can see two chicken-legs pointing up at the sky. The cock is on its back. "Aaah, noooo" shouts the farmer. "The geese have killed him" Distraught, he goes over to the cock, leans down and says "Are you OK"?
The cock opens an eye and whispers "Fuck off, will you? They're just about to land..........?"
The guy with the Doberman says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, he puts on a pair of dark glasses, and starts to walk in. The doorman says, "Sorry, no pets allowed." The Doberman guy says, "You don't understand. This is my guide dog." The doorman says, "A Doberman Pinscher?" "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good."...."OK, come on in."
The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of shades and starts to walk in. The doorman again says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The Chihuahua guy says
"You don't understand. This is my guide dog." "What, a bleeding Chihuahua?"
The guy says, "You mean the bastards gave me a Chihuahua?"
A chicken farmer wakes up and goes to check on his prize cock. As he nears the coop he can see two legs sticking up in the air. It's on its back, stone dead. The devastated farmer wanders about crying in anguish. This rooster, with the best tackle he had ever seen, had been servicing his hens for years.
The farmer looks through the local classifieds for a new cock. He finds an ad, phones the number and arranges to see one that afternoon. He pulls up in his van, and a man comes over:
"Are you here about the cock"? "Yes" replies the farmer. "Follow me"....he follows the man to a coop where a hugely-endowed rooster is strutting about.>
"Jesus" says the farmer. "He's amazing, how much? "A fiver."
"Why so cheap? Is he sterile?" "No, far from it" "What's wrong with him then?" "He's a talking cock" "Who cares, I'll take him."
He bundles his new stud into the back of his van and goes home. The cock spends the whole journey shouting "I need some birds, my loins are hot for your hens".
They arrive, the farmer lets the cock out and he struts about shouting "where are they, let me at 'em !!" The farmer points in the direction of 5 huge hen coops, the rooster disappears in a cloud of dust, and the farmer retires to his house for a cup of tea.
Two hours later there is a knock at the door. Looking distinctly knackered and short of a few feathers the cock comes into the kitchen. The farmer tells him he should take a nap.
"What?!" screams the cock "I'm not finished" "But you've shagged 500 hens?" "I'm not finished," yells the cock "You must have some more birds" "......Well, there's the ducks by the pond.."
A huge cloud of dust and the cock is gone.
An hour later the rooster returns, gasping, and nearly bald.
"My god, are you alright"? says the farmer. "Come in and have some supper" "No way," says the cock, "I've still got a full sack. Have you got any more birds"?
"Well," says the farmer, "You could try the geese, but be careful, they're big buggers" "Great!" says the cock. "Where are they"? The farmer points to the hill behind the farmhouse. A huge cloud of dust, and the farmer is on his own again.
The farmer has his supper and falls asleep. The next morning the farmer goes outside and looks for his prize rooster. He is nowhere to be found. The farmer looks towards the hill and can see vultures circling above.
"Oh my God!" He runs over, and as he approaches he can see two chicken-legs pointing up at the sky. The cock is on its back. "Aaah, noooo" shouts the farmer. "The geese have killed him" Distraught, he goes over to the cock, leans down and says "Are you OK"?
The cock opens an eye and whispers "Fuck off, will you? They're just about to land..........?"