From the February 2007 issue of ETO magazine
Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:14 am
By Paul Smith, Technical Editor and writer for Erotic Trade Only magazine, since 2003, the UK's leading industry publication for the adult film/toy/playwear industry.
How Hard Can It Be? ? Preproduction.
While at Venus in Berlin last October I was set a challenge. I was talking to editor Dale Bradford when he suggested I make an adult movie. I?d have pooh-poohed the idea straight away if, while watching porn, I?d not often egotistically said, ?I could do better than that?. But could I really, and how would I go about it?
Even while I was still at the show I came up with a name for the project and perhaps even the film: How Hard Can It Be? I like how it works on several levels. I could even make a documentary out of my experiences ? particularly if it didn?t work very well as pornography. Alternatively I could set it in a mental hospital for nymphomaniacs and call it Bonkers. It?s important to have a Plan B. Not wanting to disgrace myself, I started by considering what makes great porn. The honest answer is it depends on what you find arousing, I suppose. But with various adult film awards being keenly fought over, clearly the industry itself accepts some porn movies are better than others. Needless to say, I?d want to make good, fun, dirty, interesting, entertaining, horny, creative porn, which was commercially successful.
Sweeping generalisation: I think storylines are pretty redundant in adult films ? viewers can empathise with the characters on screen without a narrative, so long as atmosphere is present. You can also tell a simple story through location, costume, props and a little in-scene dialogue, without having to develop characterisation or plot with non-erotic scenes. I?ve never found so-called Erotic Thrillers either erotic or thrilling, so I?d want to commit to ?proper? pornography, which is intended to arouse firstly, and entertain on other levels very much secondly. Anything else, even porn with a comedy aspect, is a compromise.
Consider now that there?s never been more hardcore available, and it?s never been more accessible in the UK thanks to mobile porn, the Internet, a proper distribution network of licensed shops, and even, I?m sorry to say, pirates. With increased choice, quality becomes an ever more important issue. There?s a lot of competition and it takes great packaging to stand out on the shelf ? and great content to stand out in the memory. There?d be a focus on cover artwork and other promotional imagery and I?d use a mixture of video captures and posed digital portraits to get the message of the content across, along with the stars? names and the all-important catchy title; see above. I really don?t like the ?Flash-Weeeee!? you get in some movies where a photoset is being taken during the filming. It spoils the mood and just looks tacky. There are natural breaks in sex, and thus in the filming of sex, and these would appear to be the best time to step up with a stills camera for quick posed action shots. I wouldn?t want to artificially disrupt the flow of a scene to get them, which is why I can go from digital video to digital stills cameras in 4 seconds flat. It?s the only thing I?ve practised in front of a mirror for many a year.
I even have some non-commercial experience of adult film production; there?s an incident involving a camcorder borrowed from the BBC to shoot a video diary for Countryfile and squirty baby oil that I?m sworn never to relate. Frankly one video I shot in a posh London hotel in 2004 is a pretty good effort and never fails to get the result I?d expect from quality erotica, if I say so myself. Anyway, my market research into what seems in demand -which involved looking at the ETO Sales Charts page- has come up with some clear trends as to what?s popular with the Great British porn consumer: Celebrity sex tapes, anal, and thus ideally, celebrity anal. Acting on a hunch, I plan to burgle Charlotte Church?s home at my earliest convenience.
Another thing I?m keen to do is avoid a trap too many productions seem to fall into. How many times have you seen a film that?s essentially four or five near-identical scenes, with similar looking performers engaged in similar sex acts, often in the same location? I know I?m bored of blank-faced couples screwing by the pool or on a sofa- I?d want to take the viewer on an unfamiliar journey to unexpected places. That?s not all a great porn film needs though. Attractive stars are a must for my project, because I?d want to make one with broad appeal, and it?s not everyone who likes their guys or ladies large. Or mature. Or curiously hairy. I know the proof of the porn pudding is in the performance, but as Sophocles said, ?The first taste is with the eyes.? By which I mean if an actress gets you hard or wet before she?s taken any clothes off, you?re half way home.
Apparently guys typically watch adult material in 6 minute chunks, and I know my thumb?s rarely far from the fast forward button to skip predictable preamble and find The Good Stuff. For my film I?d like to take a leaf out of The Fast Show?s book. The story of how this popular 90?s comedy programme came to be is an interesting one. A clips reel of highlights was being made for Harry Enfield?s second series, to be used at the press launch. When co-writers Paul Whitehouse and Charlie Higson saw it, they thought that it was funnier than the series itself, and thus the Fast Show concept was born; Get the character on, get them to say something funny, and get them off. I think the same basic idea would work for porn ? why have four 30 minute or six 20 minute scenes when, with some forward planning, you can mix several five and ten minute scenes in too? Variety is a good thing, I think, and short scenes of this type lend themselves to easy conversion into mobile content at a later date. Get ?em on, get ?em off and then get ?em off, definitely.
As well as a chronic lack of imagination evident in some productions, amateurish is the word I?d use to describe several films I?ve seen. Which might have been ok if they?d actually featured amateurs, as that?s a nook I think usually works well and looks ok. No - I just mean they were shit. I?m no Hitchcock but if your actress can?t remember lines, don?t ask her to. Perhaps this is why female adult film performers are often referred to simply as models. My personal definition of a model doesn?t include being expected to convincingly express sexual arousal, so I?ll stick with actress as a description. The above is even truer for actors.
Similarly, cinematic basics such as lighting, framing and focus shouldn?t be ignored unless you?re going for something very arty. Porn-audio can suffer but a lot of camcorders -even cheap ones- have a mic socket for an external microphone. Some productions do away with live audio all together and rely on music and a dubbed speech (?Ah! Ah! Ah!?) track instead. While I?d like the ease of direction this gives -because you can just instruct the performers mid-scene- I feel it distances the viewer from the action somewhat. By having to suspend disbelief that bit further, they?re robbed of some of the intimacy. Nevertheless, it works well for more stylised scenes and I could well use it for some.
My favourite adult director is Tanya Hyde, whose films are stylish and kinky enough to be original, but still accessible to viewers who don?t have a particular interest in specific fetishes and just want to see hot action. I?ve seen enough dedicated BDSM/bondage flicks to know they have a certain appeal, but there?s only so much non-penetrative sex or spanking foreplay I can take before things begin to drag for me. Rule 1 is pornography should be pornographic, and generally the more graphic the better.
Budgeting for on-screen talent, the way I figure it I wouldn?t want to work with less than three girls and two guys. Using Venn Diagrams and looking at possible combinations, this is more than enough for a fat wad of diversity. Labelling the girls A, B & C, and the guys 1 & 2, we see there are three possible solo girl scenes, three two-girl scenes (AB, BC & CA) and a three girl scene. Adding a guy, there?s another seven combinations (A1, B1, C1, AB1, BC1, CA1 & ABC1) and a further seven with the other male performer (A2, B2, etc.) - With both guys in a scene, there?s another seven combinations, from A12 to ABC12. In all, without even looking at different story scenarios, locations, props or roles, there are 28 combinations of actresses and actors. It?s not the niche I?m thinking of targeting, but an all male scene would make 29, plus solo guy scenes would make a total of 31. And that?s before even considering bringing ?guest stars? in for longer or more specialised scenes. I have a couple of very attractive female friends who?ve expressed an interest in appearing -possibly disguised behind a gas mask and a PVC corset- and I get the impression many actresses don?t have an issue working with non-professional girls so long as it?s done safely and everyone?s cool with the content of the scene. These things would need careful planning, but I?m not averse to sitting down with a pad and a pen and previsualising (to use a movie phrase) the whole thing.
I?m more at home with the technical side of the production, as I?ve got various tripods, video lights, editing software, advanced DVD authoring programmes and a dual-layer recorder to make the master, all to finish the job the way I?d want to see it completed. I also have enough hard drive space and imagination to do a cracking job of making several versions (18, R18, Euro?) I think. I?ve got Flash animation software to make backgrounds, fancy titles and more advanced credits than your average rolling roll call and output them as a full-screen uncompressed avi file. Oh yes, I?m more than just a pretty face?
As for the actual filming, I have a pair of big-lens camcorders which both shoot DVD quality material. I?d like to go to HD, but to stay within my modest estimated budget, I don?t think it?s possible. In a couple of years time I might not have a choice, but for now, given DVDs? storage limitations and current streaming speeds for VOD, shooting at 576 line resolution is fine. This does leave me needing an additional cameraperson, and believe ?100-?150 would get me a reliable, experienced one for a day. For ?250 I should get one with all the gear or an extra day?s shooting.
Music is an important element, and I?d hope to enlist some musicians on a ?music for exposure? basis. They?d get a name check and their MySpace address listed in the credits and on the cover artwork. Failing that there?s a lot of ?out of copyright? stuff available, especially if I look at classical music. Any professional advice on this would be appreciated as it?s an area I?m aware I don?t know enough about. On the subject of artwork, I?ve seen some that I felt was misleading about the content of the film and that?s not what I?d like to do as a disappointed purchaser is a customer you?ve let down. A certain amount of hype is to be expected, but I draw a line before having ?Featuring blow jobs, fellatio AND cock sucking!? on the box. I also think listing Scene Access under Special Features is stretching things a bit far. It?s a feature, but it?s not special. It?s what DVDs do.
Checking with my porn-loving friends, it seems what many women don?t like is seeing actresses being treated as less than human, as is the style in some productions. Submissive is fine -good even, if that?s the mood she?s in- but passivity can quickly lead to unattractive fuck-meat-ness. Rough sex got the thumbs up, but the comment I heard most often was that the actresses should be given the chance to give as good as they get. Perhaps not to the point of being the sexually aggressive one in every scene (but again, this has its place) but certainly not the mindless moaning collection of holes they?re sometimes portrayed as being. The guys I spoke to were somewhat less articulate, and their wants boiled down to seeing pretty girls bonking, with close-ups of swinging and/or bouncing breasts and a bit of anal gape. As there?s nothing mutually exclusive there, I?d like to make a film that appeals to women as well as men. There would have to be an element of compromise in that, but I?d hope to balance the gentle moments of tender kissing with a pan down past pert breasts and taught stomach to a moist fingering through tight white cotton panties. In a phrase, everyone?s a winner.
I?ve a list of possible shooting venues in mind, which would dictate how the film develops, and I?d certainly want to build on the expectations of the ever-more sophisticated porn-watcher. Hotel rooms have a certain sleazy charm (naming no ubiquitous motel chain names) but it?s not easy to do anything very new or special in one. At least not without inconveniencing the cleaner. A Private-style yacht in the Mediterranean is much more appealing, especially at this time of year, but prohibitively expensive for a first attempt and a bit pass? anyway. Other porn location favourites, such as shaky sets in a studio and a quiet corner of a ?foreign? field (that is for ever England, as the poem goes, but don?t tell the BBFC as they don?t like this I hear) are out on the grounds of i) taste and ii) temperature, in that order. I suppose if filming doesn?t start until late spring I could be persuaded to find a sunny clearing in a Belgium wood. In the same way I once did 140mph on a German Autobahn in Hertfordshire.
Regarding locations, several I had my eye on have fallen by the wayside. A privately owned network of caves looked promising for a while, for a porn remake of Neil Marshall?s excellent ?The Descent?. The segment would have been called Going Down, and would have featured a pale, glistening-with-goo naked lesbian cave dweller (a Troglodyke, if you like) lurking in the dark, waiting for two ?chicks with picks?. It would have been a bugger to film under all artificial lights -many with coloured cells over them- anyway, but a ?1,500 price tag for corporate hire is just too much. Still a fun idea. Others include a nuclear-bunker-like void I found under a motorway in the middle of nowhere, a genuine ROC bunker, a wetroom for some kinky wet ?n? oily fun and a deconsecrated, remote but accessible church I know of. In the past I?ve also filmed in a foot tunnel under a busy road which looks very urban but isn?t. Stringing all these locations -and others I have in mind- together with a story would be contrived at best, but there are other narrative devices one can use to link scenes together. Or else I might abandon every hint of storyline all together and focus on each chapter as a mini-film in its own right. Doing that would mean there was a danger of the film appearing to be a series of clips or a best-of collection, but again there are ways around this. Establishing continuity can be as simple as setting a coherent visual tone or using a scene-spanning voice-over.
It?d be nice to hire a ?purpose-built? location for some fetishy scenes, but such places cost a fair bit and can come with baggage in terms of on-screen familiarity. I?ve even seen the same house come up as a country retreat or girls? school a couple of times. Not wanting to repeat what?s gone before extends to costume and roles too. Nurses, maids and schoolgirls (well, sixth-formers) have been done to death, which is not to say I?d not go there, but who else are sexy archetypes? I?ve never seen the appeal of policewomen, but I do think weather girls are a relatively untapped reservoir of male fantasy. So squeaky-clean and wholesome as they describe their warm fronts, but you just know they?re plugged and pierced under their immaculate business suits. My editing software also does Colour-Separation Overlay (also known as blue or green screen, or Chroma Key), which adds weather-map and 2nd camera possibilities. I also like the dominatrix look (especially when coupled with a strap-on), girl-next-door pink lingerie or night attire and the classic combination of stockings, corset/basque and heels. They?re an old-fashioned staple of erotica, but they?ve remained popular for almost a century for one very good reason; they hide a bit and they show a bit, with the promise of hidden treasures to be unwrapped. In olden days a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking. Now heaven knows, anything the BBFC approves of goes.
Pushing things a bit further ?out-there?, I?d love to do a KY-drippin?, strobe-lit, dry-ice homage to Alien, with two amazing Pretty Pervy latex outfits by Obviously Odd being slowly unpeeled to reveal the writhing creatures within. In contrast with the famous scene with John Hurt when the chest burster emerges, well-lubricated replica human females would slither from their alien hosts to copulate with twin green double-ended dildos, thrashing like tentacles in a protracted orgy of extraterrestrial lesbian DP. It wouldn?t be for everyone, but it?d be 15 visceral minutes you?d not forget in a hurry.
I have several 8mm film cameras which, while not being suitable to actually shoot with because of the difficulty and expense of getting adult film stock developed, could make cool props for a 60s or 70s period piece. Especially when intercut with faked POV material, using a ?Film Effect? editing software plug-in and the chattering sound of a projector or whirr of the camera. I even have a ?64 Healey and a wicker hamper to add authenticity to a rude picnic scene. I hope ?retro auto-erotic voyeur porn? hasn?t already become a clich?? If it has, I?ll just pull that condom off my lava lamp?
Another thing I?d be keen to avoid is the strange continuity present in some adult films. One moment our hero is in our heroine?s vagina. The next he?s in her anus, with just a cut from one shot to the next. A fade or a wipe would suggest the passage of time from one scene to the next at least. Fade to black and back up would be better still, and even a clock wipe would be preferable to a straight cut, which I find that throws me out of the action. Most importantly if you?re going to show penetration you should actually show the moment of penetration I think. I?m rather confused as to why so many directors seem to disagree, but perhaps this is something I?ll discover for myself if I get my ideas off the ground.
I see the director as having a clear duty of care to his or her cast and crew, and all paperwork regarding age verification, model release and HIV test status would have to be correct -as they always should be- and I?d insist on a drug and drink-free shoot. I also feel condoms can have their place in porn. You just need to introduce them in a fun way. That said, I?d prefer not to use them in my film as porn isn?t actually about sex, or safe sex, it?s an idealised voyeuristic fantasy and works best when presented as such. Anything a bit more ?worthy? can end up looking a bit like an educational video. Again, these have a role to play, but it?s not the image I have in mind.
Unusually, I am prepared to put my own money where my mouth is, but I can?t independently raise enough funds to get the film I?d want to make made. So I?m looking for a business partner or partners to match my investment, on a revenue-share basis. Depending on what offers I get, I hope to write a feature on the actual experience of adult film production, and a third article later in the year to cover the post-production and distribution phase of ?Project How Hard Can It Be??.
Looking further ahead, based on a two hour film, BBFC review would be ?840 plus ?35.90 for cover artwork to be approved. With VAT that?s almost ?1030. It?s been suggested this stage could initially be bypassed by offering the film for download/streaming via a reputable VOD site, and then look at DVD distribution after BBFC assessment at a later date, funded by revenue generated by downloads. As I understand it, so long as BBFC and Obscene Publications Act guidelines are followed, the initial lack of official sanction shouldn?t be a problem under current laws regarding accessing adult material in the UK via the Internet. I?ve always been one to exploit a ?loop hole? (if that?s a reasonable description) while it?s available and I wouldn?t want to stop now.
Reinventing the porn wheel is pretty much impossible -shagging is, after all, shagging, no matter how artfully you film and present it- but I would want to try ?Adding Value? to the production. It?s an overused and rather vague term but I do mean something by it. Other DVDs have Behind the Scenes featurettes, photo galleries and bloopers, and I can?t think of a good reason not to do the same thing. Although, given the subject matter, I might call the gaffs ?Boobs?. Would a director?s commentary and actor?s commentary be wise? Given the semi-documentary nature of the project, it could be very enlightening as well as entertaining. Plus there?s no end of online bonus possibilities, potentially accessible from a web link on the DVD. I?d also want to do something fun with the end credits ? perhaps even including a little surprise after them, as mainstream films often do. The other bonus being you?d only have to wait 30 seconds to see it, not 10 minutes plus as with some Hollywood films with huge crews.
To help fund the project, or at least minimise expenses, I?d again look to how Hollywood do things. Product Placement?s never going to bankroll a whole film, but if a lube was heavily featured in a scene, with the logo visible, and nice things were said about the sensations of using it, and how nice it tasted, subtly and within the context of the scene, that?d be A Good Thing. A ?Thanks To? in the end credits to push the point and the brand home- That?s got to be worth something, surely. Even if it?s only some free product to use in the production. Perhaps this already happens, but I?ve never seen ?The Sex Toys in this film were supplied by Sex-Toys-R-Us.co.uk, where the thrills do come cheap!? at the end of a televisual spunkfest. ?Miss Lolli Popps costumes by OnlineLingerieRetailer.com? works too.
I?d also consider a different payment structure for the actors. I believe they?re traditionally paid per scene on a sexual act basis (?We pay ?50 extra for anal?, I?ve read in ETO) or by the hour and make nothing from the sales of the film. I?d like a lower initial payment but offer a share in the profits from sales, as mainstream films do for their stars. This would give part-ownership of the title to those involved in its production, and hopefully give them both an enhanced involvement in the success of the project, and regular nice cheque-shaped surprises in the post. It?s a fine idea, which I appreciate it might not be practical, but taking the time to discuss with the girls and guys what they?d like to do in a scene would certainly add to their experience of making the film, while costing nothing. I could even let a couple of girls loose with a camcorder for a little under-the-duvet gonzo fun. Naturally performers would get a set of net-ready mpg and/or wmv video files and photos after filming to use for promotion on their own sites.
I?ve already done some networking towards finding suitable, established actors and actresses who are prepared to be stretched in terms of their performance. I?d like a cute (dirty?) blonde, a saucy brunette and perhaps an actress of non-Anglo-Saxon heritage to maintain my commitment to variety. Similarly, two ?classically hunky? male stars who don?t look too alike and can exude male sexuality while their clothes are still on would be great.
These aren?t my only thoughts. I also have a strip/forfeit extreme version of Twister? up my sleeve, but I?m keeping all the best ideas to myself at this stage. If your curiosity?s been pricked and would like to help me get my plans off the page and into shops, please contact me via paul@erotictradeonly.com.
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I'd be interested in knowing what professionals in the industry make of my thoughts and ideas. I'm chasing some additional funding at this stage, but once that's in place (fingers crossed) I will be after reliable and established actors and actresses. I look forward to reading your comments.
Paul Smith
How Hard Can It Be? ? Preproduction.
While at Venus in Berlin last October I was set a challenge. I was talking to editor Dale Bradford when he suggested I make an adult movie. I?d have pooh-poohed the idea straight away if, while watching porn, I?d not often egotistically said, ?I could do better than that?. But could I really, and how would I go about it?
Even while I was still at the show I came up with a name for the project and perhaps even the film: How Hard Can It Be? I like how it works on several levels. I could even make a documentary out of my experiences ? particularly if it didn?t work very well as pornography. Alternatively I could set it in a mental hospital for nymphomaniacs and call it Bonkers. It?s important to have a Plan B. Not wanting to disgrace myself, I started by considering what makes great porn. The honest answer is it depends on what you find arousing, I suppose. But with various adult film awards being keenly fought over, clearly the industry itself accepts some porn movies are better than others. Needless to say, I?d want to make good, fun, dirty, interesting, entertaining, horny, creative porn, which was commercially successful.
Sweeping generalisation: I think storylines are pretty redundant in adult films ? viewers can empathise with the characters on screen without a narrative, so long as atmosphere is present. You can also tell a simple story through location, costume, props and a little in-scene dialogue, without having to develop characterisation or plot with non-erotic scenes. I?ve never found so-called Erotic Thrillers either erotic or thrilling, so I?d want to commit to ?proper? pornography, which is intended to arouse firstly, and entertain on other levels very much secondly. Anything else, even porn with a comedy aspect, is a compromise.
Consider now that there?s never been more hardcore available, and it?s never been more accessible in the UK thanks to mobile porn, the Internet, a proper distribution network of licensed shops, and even, I?m sorry to say, pirates. With increased choice, quality becomes an ever more important issue. There?s a lot of competition and it takes great packaging to stand out on the shelf ? and great content to stand out in the memory. There?d be a focus on cover artwork and other promotional imagery and I?d use a mixture of video captures and posed digital portraits to get the message of the content across, along with the stars? names and the all-important catchy title; see above. I really don?t like the ?Flash-Weeeee!? you get in some movies where a photoset is being taken during the filming. It spoils the mood and just looks tacky. There are natural breaks in sex, and thus in the filming of sex, and these would appear to be the best time to step up with a stills camera for quick posed action shots. I wouldn?t want to artificially disrupt the flow of a scene to get them, which is why I can go from digital video to digital stills cameras in 4 seconds flat. It?s the only thing I?ve practised in front of a mirror for many a year.
I even have some non-commercial experience of adult film production; there?s an incident involving a camcorder borrowed from the BBC to shoot a video diary for Countryfile and squirty baby oil that I?m sworn never to relate. Frankly one video I shot in a posh London hotel in 2004 is a pretty good effort and never fails to get the result I?d expect from quality erotica, if I say so myself. Anyway, my market research into what seems in demand -which involved looking at the ETO Sales Charts page- has come up with some clear trends as to what?s popular with the Great British porn consumer: Celebrity sex tapes, anal, and thus ideally, celebrity anal. Acting on a hunch, I plan to burgle Charlotte Church?s home at my earliest convenience.
Another thing I?m keen to do is avoid a trap too many productions seem to fall into. How many times have you seen a film that?s essentially four or five near-identical scenes, with similar looking performers engaged in similar sex acts, often in the same location? I know I?m bored of blank-faced couples screwing by the pool or on a sofa- I?d want to take the viewer on an unfamiliar journey to unexpected places. That?s not all a great porn film needs though. Attractive stars are a must for my project, because I?d want to make one with broad appeal, and it?s not everyone who likes their guys or ladies large. Or mature. Or curiously hairy. I know the proof of the porn pudding is in the performance, but as Sophocles said, ?The first taste is with the eyes.? By which I mean if an actress gets you hard or wet before she?s taken any clothes off, you?re half way home.
Apparently guys typically watch adult material in 6 minute chunks, and I know my thumb?s rarely far from the fast forward button to skip predictable preamble and find The Good Stuff. For my film I?d like to take a leaf out of The Fast Show?s book. The story of how this popular 90?s comedy programme came to be is an interesting one. A clips reel of highlights was being made for Harry Enfield?s second series, to be used at the press launch. When co-writers Paul Whitehouse and Charlie Higson saw it, they thought that it was funnier than the series itself, and thus the Fast Show concept was born; Get the character on, get them to say something funny, and get them off. I think the same basic idea would work for porn ? why have four 30 minute or six 20 minute scenes when, with some forward planning, you can mix several five and ten minute scenes in too? Variety is a good thing, I think, and short scenes of this type lend themselves to easy conversion into mobile content at a later date. Get ?em on, get ?em off and then get ?em off, definitely.
As well as a chronic lack of imagination evident in some productions, amateurish is the word I?d use to describe several films I?ve seen. Which might have been ok if they?d actually featured amateurs, as that?s a nook I think usually works well and looks ok. No - I just mean they were shit. I?m no Hitchcock but if your actress can?t remember lines, don?t ask her to. Perhaps this is why female adult film performers are often referred to simply as models. My personal definition of a model doesn?t include being expected to convincingly express sexual arousal, so I?ll stick with actress as a description. The above is even truer for actors.
Similarly, cinematic basics such as lighting, framing and focus shouldn?t be ignored unless you?re going for something very arty. Porn-audio can suffer but a lot of camcorders -even cheap ones- have a mic socket for an external microphone. Some productions do away with live audio all together and rely on music and a dubbed speech (?Ah! Ah! Ah!?) track instead. While I?d like the ease of direction this gives -because you can just instruct the performers mid-scene- I feel it distances the viewer from the action somewhat. By having to suspend disbelief that bit further, they?re robbed of some of the intimacy. Nevertheless, it works well for more stylised scenes and I could well use it for some.
My favourite adult director is Tanya Hyde, whose films are stylish and kinky enough to be original, but still accessible to viewers who don?t have a particular interest in specific fetishes and just want to see hot action. I?ve seen enough dedicated BDSM/bondage flicks to know they have a certain appeal, but there?s only so much non-penetrative sex or spanking foreplay I can take before things begin to drag for me. Rule 1 is pornography should be pornographic, and generally the more graphic the better.
Budgeting for on-screen talent, the way I figure it I wouldn?t want to work with less than three girls and two guys. Using Venn Diagrams and looking at possible combinations, this is more than enough for a fat wad of diversity. Labelling the girls A, B & C, and the guys 1 & 2, we see there are three possible solo girl scenes, three two-girl scenes (AB, BC & CA) and a three girl scene. Adding a guy, there?s another seven combinations (A1, B1, C1, AB1, BC1, CA1 & ABC1) and a further seven with the other male performer (A2, B2, etc.) - With both guys in a scene, there?s another seven combinations, from A12 to ABC12. In all, without even looking at different story scenarios, locations, props or roles, there are 28 combinations of actresses and actors. It?s not the niche I?m thinking of targeting, but an all male scene would make 29, plus solo guy scenes would make a total of 31. And that?s before even considering bringing ?guest stars? in for longer or more specialised scenes. I have a couple of very attractive female friends who?ve expressed an interest in appearing -possibly disguised behind a gas mask and a PVC corset- and I get the impression many actresses don?t have an issue working with non-professional girls so long as it?s done safely and everyone?s cool with the content of the scene. These things would need careful planning, but I?m not averse to sitting down with a pad and a pen and previsualising (to use a movie phrase) the whole thing.
I?m more at home with the technical side of the production, as I?ve got various tripods, video lights, editing software, advanced DVD authoring programmes and a dual-layer recorder to make the master, all to finish the job the way I?d want to see it completed. I also have enough hard drive space and imagination to do a cracking job of making several versions (18, R18, Euro?) I think. I?ve got Flash animation software to make backgrounds, fancy titles and more advanced credits than your average rolling roll call and output them as a full-screen uncompressed avi file. Oh yes, I?m more than just a pretty face?
As for the actual filming, I have a pair of big-lens camcorders which both shoot DVD quality material. I?d like to go to HD, but to stay within my modest estimated budget, I don?t think it?s possible. In a couple of years time I might not have a choice, but for now, given DVDs? storage limitations and current streaming speeds for VOD, shooting at 576 line resolution is fine. This does leave me needing an additional cameraperson, and believe ?100-?150 would get me a reliable, experienced one for a day. For ?250 I should get one with all the gear or an extra day?s shooting.
Music is an important element, and I?d hope to enlist some musicians on a ?music for exposure? basis. They?d get a name check and their MySpace address listed in the credits and on the cover artwork. Failing that there?s a lot of ?out of copyright? stuff available, especially if I look at classical music. Any professional advice on this would be appreciated as it?s an area I?m aware I don?t know enough about. On the subject of artwork, I?ve seen some that I felt was misleading about the content of the film and that?s not what I?d like to do as a disappointed purchaser is a customer you?ve let down. A certain amount of hype is to be expected, but I draw a line before having ?Featuring blow jobs, fellatio AND cock sucking!? on the box. I also think listing Scene Access under Special Features is stretching things a bit far. It?s a feature, but it?s not special. It?s what DVDs do.
Checking with my porn-loving friends, it seems what many women don?t like is seeing actresses being treated as less than human, as is the style in some productions. Submissive is fine -good even, if that?s the mood she?s in- but passivity can quickly lead to unattractive fuck-meat-ness. Rough sex got the thumbs up, but the comment I heard most often was that the actresses should be given the chance to give as good as they get. Perhaps not to the point of being the sexually aggressive one in every scene (but again, this has its place) but certainly not the mindless moaning collection of holes they?re sometimes portrayed as being. The guys I spoke to were somewhat less articulate, and their wants boiled down to seeing pretty girls bonking, with close-ups of swinging and/or bouncing breasts and a bit of anal gape. As there?s nothing mutually exclusive there, I?d like to make a film that appeals to women as well as men. There would have to be an element of compromise in that, but I?d hope to balance the gentle moments of tender kissing with a pan down past pert breasts and taught stomach to a moist fingering through tight white cotton panties. In a phrase, everyone?s a winner.
I?ve a list of possible shooting venues in mind, which would dictate how the film develops, and I?d certainly want to build on the expectations of the ever-more sophisticated porn-watcher. Hotel rooms have a certain sleazy charm (naming no ubiquitous motel chain names) but it?s not easy to do anything very new or special in one. At least not without inconveniencing the cleaner. A Private-style yacht in the Mediterranean is much more appealing, especially at this time of year, but prohibitively expensive for a first attempt and a bit pass? anyway. Other porn location favourites, such as shaky sets in a studio and a quiet corner of a ?foreign? field (that is for ever England, as the poem goes, but don?t tell the BBFC as they don?t like this I hear) are out on the grounds of i) taste and ii) temperature, in that order. I suppose if filming doesn?t start until late spring I could be persuaded to find a sunny clearing in a Belgium wood. In the same way I once did 140mph on a German Autobahn in Hertfordshire.
Regarding locations, several I had my eye on have fallen by the wayside. A privately owned network of caves looked promising for a while, for a porn remake of Neil Marshall?s excellent ?The Descent?. The segment would have been called Going Down, and would have featured a pale, glistening-with-goo naked lesbian cave dweller (a Troglodyke, if you like) lurking in the dark, waiting for two ?chicks with picks?. It would have been a bugger to film under all artificial lights -many with coloured cells over them- anyway, but a ?1,500 price tag for corporate hire is just too much. Still a fun idea. Others include a nuclear-bunker-like void I found under a motorway in the middle of nowhere, a genuine ROC bunker, a wetroom for some kinky wet ?n? oily fun and a deconsecrated, remote but accessible church I know of. In the past I?ve also filmed in a foot tunnel under a busy road which looks very urban but isn?t. Stringing all these locations -and others I have in mind- together with a story would be contrived at best, but there are other narrative devices one can use to link scenes together. Or else I might abandon every hint of storyline all together and focus on each chapter as a mini-film in its own right. Doing that would mean there was a danger of the film appearing to be a series of clips or a best-of collection, but again there are ways around this. Establishing continuity can be as simple as setting a coherent visual tone or using a scene-spanning voice-over.
It?d be nice to hire a ?purpose-built? location for some fetishy scenes, but such places cost a fair bit and can come with baggage in terms of on-screen familiarity. I?ve even seen the same house come up as a country retreat or girls? school a couple of times. Not wanting to repeat what?s gone before extends to costume and roles too. Nurses, maids and schoolgirls (well, sixth-formers) have been done to death, which is not to say I?d not go there, but who else are sexy archetypes? I?ve never seen the appeal of policewomen, but I do think weather girls are a relatively untapped reservoir of male fantasy. So squeaky-clean and wholesome as they describe their warm fronts, but you just know they?re plugged and pierced under their immaculate business suits. My editing software also does Colour-Separation Overlay (also known as blue or green screen, or Chroma Key), which adds weather-map and 2nd camera possibilities. I also like the dominatrix look (especially when coupled with a strap-on), girl-next-door pink lingerie or night attire and the classic combination of stockings, corset/basque and heels. They?re an old-fashioned staple of erotica, but they?ve remained popular for almost a century for one very good reason; they hide a bit and they show a bit, with the promise of hidden treasures to be unwrapped. In olden days a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking. Now heaven knows, anything the BBFC approves of goes.
Pushing things a bit further ?out-there?, I?d love to do a KY-drippin?, strobe-lit, dry-ice homage to Alien, with two amazing Pretty Pervy latex outfits by Obviously Odd being slowly unpeeled to reveal the writhing creatures within. In contrast with the famous scene with John Hurt when the chest burster emerges, well-lubricated replica human females would slither from their alien hosts to copulate with twin green double-ended dildos, thrashing like tentacles in a protracted orgy of extraterrestrial lesbian DP. It wouldn?t be for everyone, but it?d be 15 visceral minutes you?d not forget in a hurry.
I have several 8mm film cameras which, while not being suitable to actually shoot with because of the difficulty and expense of getting adult film stock developed, could make cool props for a 60s or 70s period piece. Especially when intercut with faked POV material, using a ?Film Effect? editing software plug-in and the chattering sound of a projector or whirr of the camera. I even have a ?64 Healey and a wicker hamper to add authenticity to a rude picnic scene. I hope ?retro auto-erotic voyeur porn? hasn?t already become a clich?? If it has, I?ll just pull that condom off my lava lamp?
Another thing I?d be keen to avoid is the strange continuity present in some adult films. One moment our hero is in our heroine?s vagina. The next he?s in her anus, with just a cut from one shot to the next. A fade or a wipe would suggest the passage of time from one scene to the next at least. Fade to black and back up would be better still, and even a clock wipe would be preferable to a straight cut, which I find that throws me out of the action. Most importantly if you?re going to show penetration you should actually show the moment of penetration I think. I?m rather confused as to why so many directors seem to disagree, but perhaps this is something I?ll discover for myself if I get my ideas off the ground.
I see the director as having a clear duty of care to his or her cast and crew, and all paperwork regarding age verification, model release and HIV test status would have to be correct -as they always should be- and I?d insist on a drug and drink-free shoot. I also feel condoms can have their place in porn. You just need to introduce them in a fun way. That said, I?d prefer not to use them in my film as porn isn?t actually about sex, or safe sex, it?s an idealised voyeuristic fantasy and works best when presented as such. Anything a bit more ?worthy? can end up looking a bit like an educational video. Again, these have a role to play, but it?s not the image I have in mind.
Unusually, I am prepared to put my own money where my mouth is, but I can?t independently raise enough funds to get the film I?d want to make made. So I?m looking for a business partner or partners to match my investment, on a revenue-share basis. Depending on what offers I get, I hope to write a feature on the actual experience of adult film production, and a third article later in the year to cover the post-production and distribution phase of ?Project How Hard Can It Be??.
Looking further ahead, based on a two hour film, BBFC review would be ?840 plus ?35.90 for cover artwork to be approved. With VAT that?s almost ?1030. It?s been suggested this stage could initially be bypassed by offering the film for download/streaming via a reputable VOD site, and then look at DVD distribution after BBFC assessment at a later date, funded by revenue generated by downloads. As I understand it, so long as BBFC and Obscene Publications Act guidelines are followed, the initial lack of official sanction shouldn?t be a problem under current laws regarding accessing adult material in the UK via the Internet. I?ve always been one to exploit a ?loop hole? (if that?s a reasonable description) while it?s available and I wouldn?t want to stop now.
Reinventing the porn wheel is pretty much impossible -shagging is, after all, shagging, no matter how artfully you film and present it- but I would want to try ?Adding Value? to the production. It?s an overused and rather vague term but I do mean something by it. Other DVDs have Behind the Scenes featurettes, photo galleries and bloopers, and I can?t think of a good reason not to do the same thing. Although, given the subject matter, I might call the gaffs ?Boobs?. Would a director?s commentary and actor?s commentary be wise? Given the semi-documentary nature of the project, it could be very enlightening as well as entertaining. Plus there?s no end of online bonus possibilities, potentially accessible from a web link on the DVD. I?d also want to do something fun with the end credits ? perhaps even including a little surprise after them, as mainstream films often do. The other bonus being you?d only have to wait 30 seconds to see it, not 10 minutes plus as with some Hollywood films with huge crews.
To help fund the project, or at least minimise expenses, I?d again look to how Hollywood do things. Product Placement?s never going to bankroll a whole film, but if a lube was heavily featured in a scene, with the logo visible, and nice things were said about the sensations of using it, and how nice it tasted, subtly and within the context of the scene, that?d be A Good Thing. A ?Thanks To? in the end credits to push the point and the brand home- That?s got to be worth something, surely. Even if it?s only some free product to use in the production. Perhaps this already happens, but I?ve never seen ?The Sex Toys in this film were supplied by Sex-Toys-R-Us.co.uk, where the thrills do come cheap!? at the end of a televisual spunkfest. ?Miss Lolli Popps costumes by OnlineLingerieRetailer.com? works too.
I?d also consider a different payment structure for the actors. I believe they?re traditionally paid per scene on a sexual act basis (?We pay ?50 extra for anal?, I?ve read in ETO) or by the hour and make nothing from the sales of the film. I?d like a lower initial payment but offer a share in the profits from sales, as mainstream films do for their stars. This would give part-ownership of the title to those involved in its production, and hopefully give them both an enhanced involvement in the success of the project, and regular nice cheque-shaped surprises in the post. It?s a fine idea, which I appreciate it might not be practical, but taking the time to discuss with the girls and guys what they?d like to do in a scene would certainly add to their experience of making the film, while costing nothing. I could even let a couple of girls loose with a camcorder for a little under-the-duvet gonzo fun. Naturally performers would get a set of net-ready mpg and/or wmv video files and photos after filming to use for promotion on their own sites.
I?ve already done some networking towards finding suitable, established actors and actresses who are prepared to be stretched in terms of their performance. I?d like a cute (dirty?) blonde, a saucy brunette and perhaps an actress of non-Anglo-Saxon heritage to maintain my commitment to variety. Similarly, two ?classically hunky? male stars who don?t look too alike and can exude male sexuality while their clothes are still on would be great.
These aren?t my only thoughts. I also have a strip/forfeit extreme version of Twister? up my sleeve, but I?m keeping all the best ideas to myself at this stage. If your curiosity?s been pricked and would like to help me get my plans off the page and into shops, please contact me via paul@erotictradeonly.com.
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I'd be interested in knowing what professionals in the industry make of my thoughts and ideas. I'm chasing some additional funding at this stage, but once that's in place (fingers crossed) I will be after reliable and established actors and actresses. I look forward to reading your comments.
Paul Smith
