OT: Color Climax translations

[Bill Malone]

I know this is probably not that funny and a tad xenophobic, but going through the CC titles on a link below, I found this video box write-up which made me laugh to the point of bladder control loss. I suggest you read it out loud for full effect.

[Dick Slexick]

Peter and his very pretty wife Terry find that lives a little their sex tediously has become and that of some alternation necessary does. Terry beats it before that it with others, it does, while their husband watches behind the curtain. He may give not to recognize itself how-ever. He is after it at it then. Said done. However Peter cannot control itself he the friend tries his wife with it it straight to take, that horrifies totally, does of course immediately clears off. At it as Peter is his wife can control herself and can grasp in the happens one. Of course, this is only the start of their dangerous game.

[jj]

It's possibly the most hilarious site in existence: I went to check out the vids and was still there an hour later, pissing meself. The translations seem to be literal German to English, but at first glance you think someone's having a laff.
That said, I wouldn't like to see my schoolboy German exposed to public ridicule.
I should rephrase that, don't like the reference to exposed German schoolboys.

[Dr Johnson]

It's not xenophobic! In fact bad multi-lingual translations are one of the pleasures of porn. It's often the case that the English comes originally from the German text whereas the French or the Spanish version is telling another tale entirely.

My fave was a quim described as a "sweaty biotope". Mmm, some organic yoghurt on that please.

[jj]

That's as good as any Victorian euphemism I've come across ('her silken motte', her 'nubbin of pleasure' etc).
German sentence construction, as opposed to that of Romance languages, has far greater potential for hilarious literals: the compound nouns, all the verbs at the end of sentence/clause etc.
[God, is this a philologists' forum or a porn one?]

[magoo]

Very funny. Nowt wrong with laughing at Johnny Foreigner.

One small point (as the nurse said to me at my last medical) though. Its Danish not German hence the "dk" on the end of the url. Sorry to be pedantic.

[Dr Oetker Johnson]

Well spotted oh short sighted one - but the texts (paradoxically) are 99.99% certain to be translations from German. Most porn from the 70's onwards was primarily aimed at German & English speaking markets, and the texts + translations were composed accordingly, even if produced in Denmark.

Plus the word order & construction gives the source away, as our resident philologist has pointed out. Glaub es mir, ich hab genug Pornohefte in meinem Leben gelesen. Feuchte Muschi usw.