ROYAL REAMERS REVIEW

[Daz]

BEN DOVER'S ROYAL REAMERS
2001--VCA
Producer/Director: Steve Perry
Featuring: Amy, Hayley, Debbie, Karen, Sarah, Pascal White, Marino Franchi, Steve Perry

There are a couple of reasonable looking chickies in this but against that you have to put up with the "boys". One wonders exactly what the relationship is between Perry, Mario (Marino), and Pascal given the giggling and the greater attention paid to each other than to the girl. Of course Mario does have quite a nice little butt (better than the girls) and the cameraman obviously thinks so too based on the amount of attention he pays to it. A few metaphorical snips and he'd be a candidate for one of Silvera's {Rogue Adventures} volumes. Pascal also seems to have recovered from the life-threatening disease that he suffered from and now looks almost normal (for a Belge anyway).

Once we get past the high-five-ing (metaphorically speaking; none of these guys are black) and the commentary about Pascal and Mario's hard-ons, the first girl, Amy appears. She has apparently entered some sort of contest for the most pornographic girl (it's all very vague) and is about to be shared by the "boys" as a reward or punishment. Amy is tall and willowy with long straight blonde hair, passable face, small tits, tattoo right butt, tattoo right shoulder back, right nipple ring, belly button ring, narrow hips, and a tight waist. The three "boys" share her including a double cuntal and a DP ending in facials.

Hayley at first glance bears some resemblance to Flick Shagswell but Flick is prettier and has a much better body. Hayley has a marginal face, overbite, too much makeup, black hair in two pigtails, not much waist, medium droopy tits, small tattoos to the right and left of her belly button, clit ring, tiny tattoo left shoulder back, shaven pussy and a getting-thick body. Perry and Pascal share her including an anal ending in a drop shot on her open asshole.

Next up are two girls who appear at first glance to be a considerable cut above the usual English scrubber but that initial impression disappears once you listen to them and examine their bodies. Debbie has a pretty/passable face, long white blonde hair, small tits, no waist, loss of belly muscle tone, clit ring, and a racing stripe. Karen has a passable face, shoulder length straight blonde hair, small tits, not much waist, and a lithe body. Perry and Pascal share them including some foot-in-pussy screwing (a footing?) and including an anal of Debbie only ending in facials. Some A2M in the scene.

The last victim is Sarah and she's very similar to Amy of the first scene. She has a passable face, tongue pin, long straight blonde hair, small tits, tattoo right hip outside, tattoo left butt, small tattoo left belly, flat belly, tight waist, flat butt, splooge of pubic hair, and a very tall thin body. Mario and Perry share her including an anal (no DP) ending in facials.

In all scenes where Perry participates it's hard to tell if he actually penetrates the girl but he certainly receives some oral sex and produces a cum shot. No condoms were seen. Date of production: 7/9/01; release: 11/27/01.

Patrick Riley
The X-Rated Videotape Guides and the Star Indexes Available in the movie section of your regular bookstore.

[Daz]

I for one will never understand the americans...

[David J]

I don't think Patrick Riley is a typical American. The mystery is why he reviews porn at all, as he never enjoys anything. However, his most vitriolic reviews seem to be reserved for any Black Male/White Female scenes (a bit of racism here?), and any British performers or movies. If 'Patrick Riley' is his real name, or any indication of his ethnic origin, I guess this could reflect Irish-American anti-Brit sentiment.

[Paddy O'Riley]

You're not meant to.............it's God's way of telling you're British.
Review of the review:
This bloke:
a) hates anything British (inferiority complex, probably);
b) thinks a perfect body is never less than 50% pure silicone;
c) is an orthodontics/aerobics fetishist;
d) seems obsessed with looking for homoerotic undertones:
repressed feelings, Riley?.
Marks: 2/10. Must try harder. US big studio porn is not the be-all and end-all. Most of your readers prefer gonzo: you will talk yourself out of a job. And good riddance to you.
Neologism of the week: CUNTAL. Not inappropriate, but etymologically dubious. 'Vaginal' is perfectly adequate in this context.

[alec]

Someone on rame said he was Australian-born.

[David J]

OK, substitute 'Irish-Australian'! Probably just as bad...

[magoo]

OK so this Riley fella talks shite but its probably got nothing to do with his Irish name. If he was called Pujinda Singh would you say he hated brits because of us colonising India (like we did with Ireland). No you wouldnt because that would he be considered politicly incorrect. Perhaps Riley just hates everything thats not US bubblegum, silicon infested rubbish. Hes probably a twenty year old acne ridden computer geek.

Sorry Im in a bad mood tonight.

[drwatson]

So how do you explain the anti-Belgian sentiment, Sherlock? A paddy with a Dutch granny maybe? Are you a Tory MP by any chance, or a Telegraph hack?

[Daz]

What pisses me off about this "Patrick Riley" guide is the complete lack of disrespect he has for everyone involved in the movies he reviews.
The guys descriptions of the women involved in the movies he reviews are pretty harsh. The guy obviously either:
a) Thinks he is Bradd Pitt
b) IS BRADD PITT and has women most of us dream about!
c) OR MORE THAN LIKELY is some pathetic guy who hasn't even talked to a women in his life (let alone taken one out) and spends far to long in front of his video machne for his own good...

[David J]

Does anyone need a reason to dislike Belgians?

But seriously, many Irish-Americans (and possibly Irish-Australians too) are virulently anti-British, which is why they send millions of dollars to Noraid.