New Rules for Golf(the sex way)

[Carl Pulley]

Well on Wednesday Lunchtime time i will be teeing off at exclusive golf club in Birmingham,UK with me trying to win a contract in promo modelling for golf wear.(might as well since i can't do much adult modelling as i been told yesterday by my usless clinic i have to wait at least now a 2 week backlog of std results,Mind you it does take ages fo Hep B results to come back,so i may as well do softer glamour modelling and soft b/g modelling,and fashion.)
Enough about this i woke this morning and because i playing golf i thought wouldn't it be great if the rules of golf changed to spice it up involving SEX.so below is the rules:

1/ Each player shall have one club and two balls,the object of the game to get into the hole in the least number of strokes.

2/ Players shall at all times use a cover on their clubs.This is particularly important when playing an unknown course with a pro.failure to observe this rule ,ay have serious consequences and damage the club,resulting in prolonged absence from the game.When playing the home hame this rule should be observed for illeffects may be caused to the hole,after some months the hole may become increasingly difficult to play and finally may have to be taken out for a while,while excavations are carried out.

3/ A player should occasionally grease his club when playing a new course.

4/ a red flag in any hole indicates that the hole should NOT be played for a few days.

5/ a player making an approach rom the back of he green must take care NOT to land his club in the bunker at the back of the hole.

6/ Practice swings of the club are NOT allowed in the ladies dressin room and towels must NOT be used for wiping the balls after holing out.

7/ Old bags are NOT allowed.

8/ In the interest of others,all players shall take care NOT to enlarge the hole unduly.Holes into which a player can insert his club & Balls at one time,shall be taken out of use.

9/ Loose inplements at the front,or rear of the hole may be removed if interferrin with play,except when the red flag is flying.

10/ If a player becomes entangled in the rough he may be withdrawn and take stroke again.

11/ If two or more players wish to play a hole at the same time,the dispute shall be resolved as follows:Each player shall place his club at the top of the hole,measurements shall be taken and the player whose balls are furthermost from the hole shall be allowed to hole first.

12/ Course etiquette demands that no player shall use part of his partners apparel or wiping his club after play.

13/ Male members are NOT allowed to partner each other.

14/ The tossing of clubs by Male members is strictly forbidden.This privilege is for lady members only.

[T Woods]

Didn't I pair off with you at the Open?

[steve56]

so if you had sex on a golf course would it still be a hole in one?

[Staiway Ballastrado.]

An 'Exclusive' golf course in Birmingham!!! there,s not enough green field sites in Brum to stage a pitch and putt....

[The Healer]

I can think of Little Aston to start with, a mint golf course where I understand Lady Members are not allowed to walk in front of the clubhouse!!

I would recommend using really stiff shafts, tipped an inch or so.

A favourite golfing saying oop North is when a ball is hit very low but runs a long way it is referred to as a Sally Gunnell, not attractive but goes like a bullet!!

Also it is written in stone that a man may swear at his wife on a golf course.

Also a putt which runs round the edge and falls in the back of the hole is known as a Dale Winton. Ahem.

[Ace]

Im sure he means The Belfry in nearby Warwickshire. I have played there and although it IS an exclusive club, a snootier place you will not find in leafy warwickshire.
Our regiment had a golf day there and we paired into 3's and i copped with a serving Major and a retired Lieutant Colonel. Lets just say I deliberately sliced and shanked a lot of shots.............a good 'career move'
God, I was awful that day, and had to endure several 'Hard luck, old boy' after every tee-off.
Still, I kept my scorecard to prove I played there (2 weeks after the Ryder Cup victory)

[steve56]

that always sounds false to me wen the old boys say hard luck old boy etc,i may be wrong but ive always thought this.