More Silly Jokes to chuckle over:Possibly most of you heard them before but i thought since its Monday(most depressing day of the week)I thought cheer everyone up.(Now before females start complaining,i just want to say i love you all,mind you i wonder how many female models will work with me again in video or photo shoots)
How Is a Woman Like a condom?
Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
What do a Gynocologist and a Pizza Delivery Boy have in common?
They can both smell it but can't eat it.
What is the Similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried chicken?
By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs,all you have left is a greasy box to pop your bone in.
What's Brown and often found in children's underpants?
Michael Jackson's Hand
Why do women have two sets of lips?
so they can piss and moan at the same time.
What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.
what's the difference between Love,true Love and showing Off?
Spitting,Swallowing and Gargling
How do you embarrass an archeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
How can you tell if your Girlfriend(Or Wife)is Dead?
the sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
The cake jumps out the girl.
If your girlfriend(Or Wife) keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you,what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long
What happened to Jesus when he went to mount Olive?
Popeye kicked the fuck out of him.
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Versace.
Versace who?
That's the fashion Industry for you
What's Grey,sits at the end of your bed and takes the piss?
A kidney Dialysis machine
When Does Michael Jackson know it's bedtime?
When the Big hand touches the little hand.
Why Do God create Adam before Eve?
To Give him a chance to speak
What do you have if you have 100 Manchester United fans buried up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.
How Many Men does it take to open a beer?
none,it should be opened by the time she brings it.
Have you heard about the latest bra for women.Its called the "sheepdog"?
It rounds them up and points them in the right direction.
My Girlfriend(Or Wife)had her credit card stolen.I've not reported it to the police-the thief spending less.
If all brides are beautiful,where do ugly wives come from.
Why don't bosses like giving their female workers coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them when they come back in to work.
How do you confuse a woman?
you don't,they're born that way.
Why should you never pick up a woman in a laundrette?
Cos if she can't afford a washing machine,she'll never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
so they can stand nearer to the sink.
Why did the woman cross the road?
That's not the point-what was she doing out of the kitchen.
Men have many faults,but women just have two.What they say and what they do.
Marriage is a three-ring circus.Engagement Ring,Wedding ring,Suffer-Ring
How do you fix your Wife's watch?
Why bother there's a clock on the cooker
I married Miss Right-I just didn't know her first name was "always"
Did you know there were female hormones in beer?
Scientists gave 100 men 10 pints each and after they had drunk them,none of them could drive and they all spoke nonsense.
What's the difference between a dog and a woman scratching at the back door?
Once you let the dog in it stops whining.
Why is a woman like a hurricane?
They're both wild and destructive and take half you house when they leave.
What should you do if the washing machine breaks down?
tell her off.
What do you do when your Girlfriend(or Wife)throws a hand grenade at you?
Take out the pin and throw it back.
What are Mixed Feelings?
seeing your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new sports car
What do you call a smart Blonde?
a Golden retriever.
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
i think that's enough,(see how people i upset this time round with my jokes,it's bound to be female that might possibly complain)But hey its monday and i think people need cheering up.
o/t Silly jokes(Mostly about Women)
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steve56
Re: o/t Silly jokes(Mostly about Women)
so you were the 1 that pinched bob monkhouses joke book.
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Carl Pulley
Re: o/t Silly jokes(Mostly about Women)
Bugger been caught out.Funny you mention Bob monkhouse actually,how come you never see him now on TV.(He's is one of our best comedians),The last i seen him was a "This is your Life"on him and that was ages ago,And he appear once on Des and Mel lunch time chat show but you talking about 3/4 months ago.I know he been having problems with Cancer but i still think it would be great to see some of the old comdieans back on TV again.
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doug
Re: o/t Silly jokes(Mostly about Women)
On the dubious jokes theme did you hear about the guy who took advantage of a young virgin?
The police charged him with breaking and entering!
The police charged him with breaking and entering!