Bullying (or abuse) is a very serious issue.

[woodgnome]

thank you for an interesting and thought provoking post.

i wholeheartedly agree - a proper understanding and appreciation of emotional intelligence and the potential it affords for resolving the extraordinarily high levels of anti-social behaviour in our culture, is of paramount importance.

i live in a deprived inner city ward and the consequences of emotional deprivation (and, therefore, atrophied emotional intelligence) are palpable - more devestating to a community than any amount of material want. the results are visible everywhere: children who respond only to shouts and threats because they've never had so much as a conversation with their parents - only barked orders; the reflexive hostility and defensiveness encountered when you catch their eye, or intrude however delicately upon their personal space; the alacrity with which violence is resorted to as a means of resolving matters...

one thing that's striking is the contrast in demeanour and behaviour between children of differing cultural backgrounds - children who grow up alongside each another and yet, in many ways, also grow up apart.

i would say that a significant percentage of black and white children show symptoms arising from emotional neglect and anti-socialisation, at an early age: unwarranted agression, inarticulacy, manic behaviour, wanton destructiveness, etc.

in contrast, the local bengali children are visibly more relaxed and happier with their lot. sitting and talking with them isn't a problem - it's always interesting to see the openness and curiosity written on their faces, whatever is being discussed. unlike many of the black and white kids hereabouts, they don't sit around grouped in sullen, aimless lumps of misery. they play in the manner you expect children to play - noisily, spontaneously - and if they do cause a disturbance you can ask them to keep it down a bit and they don't threaten to kill your cat in retaliation, as happened to a neighbour of mine a while ago.

compare this with the 'attitude' of many black and white youths: any attempt to talk with them would simply mark you out as a weirdo, or a threat - someone who must be on their case about something. not that you'd likely try: their body language alone would see to that. when it comes to boundaries, they hold one precious above all else - "do not approach me. do not acknowledge me. leave me alone and i MIGHT leave you alone." - but then again they might not... the boundaries that make life tolerable for the rest of us - mutual respect, politeness, consideration for others - are not part of their universe.*

they've spent a lifetime, albeit a short one, not getting their needs met and they're not about to tolerate any new strictures being imposed upon what they can or cannot not do! if they want to play their beat box outside your front door, full blast at 11pm, they'll do just that. if they want to chuck stones at you or your house, they'll chuck stones at you. who the hell are you to tell them they shouldn't? and who can blame them? after all, nihilism breeds nihilism and if you've been brought up to believe that to feel is lame and that acknowledging the feelings of others is even lamer, what else is there to do but reap the benefits of not caring about the rules and (to them) shibboleths that govern the lives of those who still feel the consequences of their actions upon others?

fractured family units, fragmented communities, narrowband cultures: the IT age redefined as Inarticulate Timebomb. these are the kids who grow up believing that you must bully or be bullied, who take drugs and turn to crime to as a valid career option, who inflict ceaseless misery upon themselves and those around them, although they know not why. and then they repeat the same cycle of emotional dis-education and dumbing-down with their own kids and so it goes...

it's not all doom and gloom, though. the jesuits had it more or less right: "give me the boy until he is seven and i will give you the man." if, as you say, schools are successfully teaching the importance of emotional intelligence, we could yet live to reap the dividends, economically, culturally, environmentally, humanistically... whatever, there's no doubt that we have to get smart sooner rather than later, or the price we end up paying could be a heavy one.

*this is not to be overly utopian about one culture/community and dystopian about another - there are many exceptions in either direction - but the broader signals are there for anyone clear-eyed enough to read them.

[Deuce Bigolo]

I put it all down to 1 thing

Greed....becoming Rich = becoming eternally happy

You can't buy lasting happiness but then only someone with a high EQ rating would know that

Nothing wrong with wanting to be rich but trampling over your rivals
to get there isn't the right way

I've seen some extroadinary displays of stabbing colleagues in the back just to get ahead in the line for the next promotion.Highly intelligient individuals who never show their true colors

I can't see anything changing anytime soon

With the Worlds population exploding,Multi Nationals Roaming the Globe for more and more Profit,Small Business dieing a sad death and Governments World Wide Privatising essential services ie water,electricity,gas etc the future looks bleak

cheers
B....OZ EQ for me

[Lizard]

As far as kids go, my own nephews are a classic examle of 'I want it, and I want it now', the only reason they have not turned to crime is cause my sister can afford to indulge them-and she does, cos it makes her life easier.
I spend a lot of my time travelling, and consequently eating out on the road, and although I joke about it, McDonalds and other fast food places have become the setting for meals out for todays families, I have difficulty telling the snarling kid from his snarling father, I dont particularaly fear anyone (a legacy from my dad) who,s motto is to punch first and ask questions later!, not that I agree.. but, in society today, there is a feeling of dog eat dog, and fuck you, the wierd thing is , the area I was brought up in was as rough as a badgers arse and I never felt threatened/bullied, and now I live in a reasonably wealthy area, I feel I have to watch my back,for no apparant reason other than....thats the way life is today, you drive a half decent motor, your a potential target etc, even wearing a expensive pair of trainers can get you mugged....

[Deuce Bigolo]

Funny you should mention trainers

I keep my good pair in the wardrobe for walking around the house and only wear them in public when they are an Absolute disgrace

Used the same plan for my frontyard to combat burglary(everybodyelse has been burgled in the street)
I turned a beautiful garden into a weed infestation which could be called chaos.Just bad enough to keep prying eyes away and the neighbours not complaining-the result-no burglaries for 13 years.

The lesson would seem to be-dress down & out and you'll be fine

The world is definitely dog eat dog thesedays

cheers
B....OZ