A message for the Ladies

[mutanthalibut]

Subject: THE RULES (scarily accurate)


We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules! Please note...these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!


1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.


1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.


1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.


1. Crying is blackmail.


1. Ask for what you want... Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!


1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.


1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do, sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.


1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera men.


1. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.


1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.


1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.


1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.


1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.


1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. If your bum looks big in 'this' we'll say so.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, fishing, or cars.


1. You have enough clothes.


1. You have too many shoes.


1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.


1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

[IdolDroog]

lol. Did you get that lot out of an e-mail, or spend the last month pontificating? Either way I especially love the first one hehe

[jj]

Priceless.

[Lois Griffin]

You can never have too many shoes ....

[Deuce Bigolo]

AHHH!!!!! The Imelda Marcos Theory

Its very true even if your not the First Lady of your country

You can never have to many(insert word)

As a Male....sneakers...moccassins...black shoes...brown shoes...white shoes?.....sandals...thongs....boots......1 pair of any matches all outfits

cheers
B....OZ