It's Monday & I'm bored.
A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a casino when he met up with a striking but quite small and slim young woman. They got on famously and ended up in bed. She told him she was a jockey and that, if he came to the races at Newmarket that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she was riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock.
In race 2, she rode out rubbing both her breasts. The bloke looked through the race book and found "Two Abreast" on which he placed ?100 at 5 to 1. It won by 2 lengths. "Shit, this is great he thought. In race 4, she rode out rubbing her fingers around her eyes. He put the lot on "Eyeliner" at 10 to 1 and was 5 grand in front.
In the last race she came out standing in the stirrups and rubbing her crotch. He backed nothing. After the races he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in races 2 & 4. "What about "Itchy Mickey" in the last at 66-1?" she asked. "Shit, he said, "I thought you were telling me the cunt was scratched".