IKEA... The Final Solution

[Lizard]

Once again I let myself get talked into a trip to the 'dark side' all to look for a table, below are my tips if you have to visit.

a. Get very drunk.
b. Take drugs, a lot of them.
c. Dont eat the food, the meatballs have already been through a body once.
d. check for fire exits
e. always go at night, preferably 1/2hr before they close.
f. dont go anywhere near the crappers, they are full of shit.
g. take the time to ogle as many fit women as you can, inc staff
h. get what you came for, and get the fuck out, before they stick you in the 'stat range.
i. go straight to the nearest bar, and try and forget it happened.
j. get therapy.
k. if the product is not right, burn the cunt, DO NOT take it back, this is worse than going in the first place, the refund department is like a A&E dept at a very poor hospital, and is rife with MRSA...
l. If you have the choice of a labotomy, or a trip to IKEA, do the right thing.

[Pervert]

I look forward to your critique on MFI, your monitorness.

[sandie]

im going to ikea tomorrow!

only cos the continental cunts dont take payment over the phone or via the net - oh no...they insist u visit the store and its even open til midnight!

im giving them a good wod of my cash and i have to trek down to some old chimney in sw london to do it.

well im going to turn up plastered as u suggest at 11.55 and then keep them all there pandering to my needs til 3am.
then when said furnatuire does not fit my new abode i will helicopter drop it back in there chimney and they will in time blow emselves up wiv there own sofa stuck in the furnace.

there that el teach em - cant get on line facilities til they think the net is secure enough. where the hell do they think my cash is coming from!

[Pervert]

Think it's more to do with arrogance than anything else. I mean, you can order stuff just anywhere---but YOU have to go to IKEA. It's a form of modern worship.

Can't believe I just spouted that crap sober. Sleep deprivation will do it for you every time

[Illinoisblue]

rest assured that the 'IKEA experience' is just as bad here in America.

Recently phoned them to order a $120 bookcase and the delivery charge worked out at another $140 on top! Needless to say the order was quickly cancelled.

And a Saturday afternoon visit should be avoided at all costs. Nice, inexpensive furniture to be sure, but if every other fucker's got the same stuff is it really worth the hassle?

[Deuce Bigolo]

Its sound sales & marketing

Your more likely to splash out on something extra if your in the showroom
than ordering from a computer screen...things like Music in stores are provided simply to induce you to impulse buy,and guess what-they work

Over the computer your not being enticed/influenced by any subconscious messages to spend more so you don't

cheers
B....OZ IMHO

[Deuce Bigolo]

Is this IKEA anything like Mechano or Leggo?

Cos that stuff used to drive me batty when shopping for toys as a kid

I'd swear my parents wanted it more than me

cheers
B...OZ

[jj]

I had the recent tragically unsatisfactory misfortune to visit The Swedish Store That Shall Remain Nameless......never, ever, again, as long as the Universe persists, even until the full plenum of possible Universes has been and gone, will I ever visit any (alleged) that particular retail emporium, or indeed any other whose name consists solely of initials.

Or is 'ikea' merely the Swedish for 'shite', rather than initials/acronym?

[jj]

I ws a bit disappointed that there wasn't one of their famous chimney-stacks at the Brent Park branch (it probably got blown up by a dissatisfied customer..........), just a bog-standard flat roof and that dire yellow/blue colour scheme.

[jj]

They DO deliver- you just have to buy those items that they deliver, rather than all the stuff that they DON'T deliver- how simple is that?
Oh, and they don't do their own deliveries, for some (doubtless Scandinavianly logical) weird reason.