Earthquake in Essex

[Paul L]

ESSEX EARTHQUAKE APPEAL
A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale
hit in the early hours of Monday. Epicentre: Basildon,
Essex. Victims were seen wandering around aimless muttering "faaackin ell"
...

The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately ?30 worth of
damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish
Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars
were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.

Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were
confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that
something interesting had happened in Basildon.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was
such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom
crying. My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all.
I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning."

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as
normal.The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of
Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large
quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery
from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.


HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
sought after, items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

Shell suits (female)

White sport socks

Rockport boots

Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include Microwave meals Tins of baked beans, Ice cream,
Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms

?2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9

?5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those
affected.

**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in Claret -
'where are you bleeding from?' they asked -
"ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that got to do wiv it?"

[Michelle]

LOL LOL

Michelle xx

[Holden MacGroyn]

An old one but it never stops making me laugh.

[Arnold Layne]

Lovin it, lovin it, lovin it

[steve56]

thank god sues in hampshire.