Things that happen in porn but not in real life

[mart]

Aren't those girls lounging around waiting for the plumber?
Ahhh, now we know where Ace's motivation for a new career came from....lol

Mart

[Officer Dibble]

"How about the two or three girls at the same time, WANTING you to spunk in their mouths?

How about all that DP stuff? Found a girl that is begging for that? Me neither."


Of course not, it's all bollocks, on every level.



"Yep...most people watch porn, for the same reasons they watch other types of movies - for an escape from normal life."

Now, I, on the other hand, am considering taking up watching Eastenders, 'Corrie' and Emmerdale Farm - to escape from the soulless and distasteful orgy of unerotic production line humping that commercial porn has now become.



Officer Dibble

[Rude Boy]

"Of course not, it's all bollocks, on every level."

I totally agree but forward the notion that the very bollocksy nature of porno is what makes it (In whatever form one favours) enjoyable. In the same way that a Star Wars film or a Kiss concert is a load of old bollocks ultimately but good fun anyway.

[Rude Boy]

Another one, the phone lines at the back of grot mags. Does ANYBODY out there really think it's Silvia Saint at the end of the 'phone just because she's pictured holding a 'phone next to a series of digits?

[Officer Dibble]

"Girls with immaculate hair and make-up in wonderful underwear lounging around a living room or kitchen"

Oh come on Rude Dude, we haven't seen one of those round here since 1998. Indeed many sexperts believe them to be totally extinct, forced out of their natural habitat by 'The Lesser Titted Lairy Porn Chaver' - a species able to survive on just one gonzo shoot a week.


Officer Dibble

[Officer Dibble]

I know what you mean, but that's not the way I see it anymore. I just find almost everything in the field of adult video and photography, since the turn of the millennium, pointless, wearisome, and/or, distasteful.


Officer Dibble.

[Rude Boy]

"forced out of their natural habitat by 'The Lesser Titted Lairy Porn Chaver' - a species able to survive on just one gonzo shoot a week."

The porn chav is sadly a terrifying and voracious beast as you quite rightly observe, capable of forcing more sophisticated species into extinction and seemingly determined to do so unless culled. However the immaculate sophistos continue to thrive in environments in Eastern Europe, facts I have witnessed from my own research in the field. I live in fear of "The Lesser Titted Lairy Porn Chaver" being introduced into this ecosystem and the mayhem that would ensue.

[Pervert]

More to the point, who on earth rings those lines up?

[Rude Boy]

Lord knows but they keep advertising so someone's phoning 'em!

[myson]

That's my job Mart and I'm buggered if I've come across a girl dressed up like that waiting for me.

One day maybe

Myson