Geoff Hoon - General Election invisible man

[Sheik Yerbouti]

He's hiding with John Redwood.

[Pervert]

What about Alan Milburn---called in by Tone to coordinate the election campaign, and shunted to one side because they know they can't win it without Brown.

In the BBC News website, they have a Peter Snow swingometer that you can play with to see what it'll take to dislodge various politicians. Sadly, that craven coward and all round gobshite Hoon appears to be in one of the safest of safe Labour seats. Still, we can hope.

[Pervert]

My apologies, Tarquin. He's certainly been pushed into the background, though, in comparison with when he was brought back into the fold after spending time with his family.

[Marmaduke]

Re. Milburn: his family soon got fed up with him! What a ragbag the whole lot of them are!

[Dan Brusca]

Oddly enough, I saw Geoff Hoon on Friday.

He lives in my village and I encountered him buying the Guardian in the newsagent at about 8.30am, as his close protection detail hovered about outside, looking shady in their black Mercs and, err, shades. He was wearing a very sharp black suit, so I presume he was heading off somewhere.