OFFICER DIBBLE SHAGS GUARDIAN READER SHOCK!

[Officer Dibble]

Yes, incredible, but true? But how could such a seeming paradox come about?

Well, it happened like this.

I was out a few weeks ago at a function that I?d been dragged along to. To be frank, nowadays I?d much rather be at home fiddling with me computers or watchin' a (straight) DVD. But, anyhow, there I was tying to make the most of it, when I clocked a pretty redhead, (early 30?s) with huge knockers, over the other side of the room ? Maybe I wasn?t wasting my time there after all? So, I clocks her and she clocks me, and it was quite clear from her manner what she was thinking ? ?Hmm, who?s that tall, distinguished and debonair looking chap over there?? Now, we could have gone on eyeing each other up all-night and then gone home alone, but then fate intervened and we were introduced. Her name was Victoria.

Victoria was the medical secretary for some posh consultant surgeon in a large city hospital. She was divorced (from a doctor). She was a university graduate and took ?The Guardian? ? The Guardian, would you believe? (Well, you know what they say about opposites?). Actually, she?d only just changed over from ?The Independent' - because ?it was getting to be to right wing?. It turned out that ?Vicki?s? father had worked in the steelworks, like my dad, and she was the first of her family to attend university. We of course had loads to discuss ?n? debate and Victoria seemed tickled pink by my ?moody geezer? act. So, as the evening was drawing to a close, I tabled a motion that we adjourn to my country retreat to further discuss the negative effects of American Hegemony in relation to the provision of outreach workers in the Gobi dessert, and also the effects of globalization and negative stereotypical imagery on the inequality of outcomes, vis-?-vis, lesbian sperm whales in the Bering Straits. Viki agreed without debate and the motion was passed. Home James.

Anyhow, we gets back to my gaff, and in order to create a good impression with such a class bird, I broke out my best gourmet coffee and set the old percolator going. Ten minutes later we were on my leather Chesterfield having a sip of coffee. ?How is it?? I inquired, as Vicki put her cup down. ?Lovely? she cooed, looking me straight in the eye. The next few seconds were a blur, as, like a striking Cobra, Vicki pounced on me, squashing her ample breasts against my chest, locking me in her passionate embrace, her tongue seeking mine as we kissed, (Ooh, er, missus!). The coffee now forgotten (it was Sainsbury?s Blue Mountain Blend, as well) Victoria deftly unzipped my strides and with an expert hand extricated my, by now, throbbing stonka, falling upon it, gobbling with a will. It would have been rude to resist, so I entered into the spirit of the evening and moved to release Vicki?s giant jubblies from her bra ? truth be told I had been looking forward to handling them and sucking her nipples all evening. My chance came when Victoria came up for air ? and to pass positive comment on the girth of my bellend!

But Vicki had yet more delights in store, for when I got her black lacy knickers down I found a wonderful ginger minge, fair begging to be licked! Hmm, mmm ? beaver heaven! Well, I shagged the luscious lady all over the lounge in every position. She was like a wildcat, entreating me to be rough with her, to force her, to take her. Eventually, I was, well, ?shagged out? and I fell back on the Chesterfield - though with my stonka still throbbing. Now, once again, Victoria clamped her lips around it ? this time looking straight me in the eye and sluttily suggesting that I cum in her mouth. Which I did, some minutes later - Wheyhey!

A little while later, while having a post coital coffee, we got back round to discussing life, love, the universe and chavs! Apparently, a few of her uni pals had serious aversions to them, and even contributed to the chavscum website ? which came as a surprise to me. Vicki went on to confess that for all her caring, sharing principles, she had actually moved to a very middleclass area of town so that her 9-year-old son would be able to attend a ?middleclass comprehensive? school and would not have to go to a ?chav comprehensive?. Vicki?s reasoning was that if her son went to a chav school he would either fall in with the chav kids antisocial, criminal, ways or be bullied and picked on because he was bright. And she wasn?t prepared to countenance that. Reality bites, principles be dammed.

But unlike a lot of lefties who can be cold, aloof and patronising - you know, the kind of people who have taken up the cause just to feel trendy, assuage some ridiculous imagined guilt or curry favour with their peers, I could tell Vicki did have a warm heart, she really was a nice lady. I?m sure I?ll be seeing more of her soon.



Officer Dibble

[Pervert]

Very nice, Dibbers, but could you not have given this woman some dignity and not shared quite as many personal details about her private life? We are free here to discuss our own lives with the rest of the world, but some anonymity for the gorgeous redhead might have been more chivalrous, rather than the chavalrous approach you took.

[Officer Dibble]

Hey, chill out, dude. Names have been changed. There are loads of divorced ladies with giant jubblies out there. No redheads were harmed during production of this article.

And what are you doing up at this hour? Get back to bed - It's not natural.


Officer Dibble

[Pervert]

I'm just heading for my pit now.

So long as the names have been changed, that's fine. It's a public forum, and a small amount of info can be enough for some folk to start digging, that's all I meant.

(Hey, just think---you might find yourself voting New Labour next time!).

[Officer Dibble]

(Hey, just think---you might find yourself voting New Labour next time!).

Stranger things happen at sea.



Officer Dibble

[mart]

So its true. A real gentleman doesn't tell.

Mart

[Officer Dibble]

I knew you'd love it, mart. In fact, I almost dedicated it to you.


Officer Dibble

[mart]

Are you going to submit it for the Man Booker prize?

Mart

[Officer Dibble]

Dunno. What's the prize money like?

Dibble

[number 6]

sounds very much like my ex gf,she was also a medical secretary and worked in a hospital in the capital...hmmmmm....her name was denise though