Arise Sir Dibble

[Officer Dibble]

I?m thinking of buying a knighthood or even a peerage from the Labour party. What do you think their bottom line will be? I can?t afford a million quid, so do you think they?ll stand for ?50,000 and a mixed case of shaggin? DVD?s? Also, I can?t quite decide on a title, I mean, which sounds best to you ? Lord Dibble of Dobbington or Sir Dibble of Dibbsbury?

Of course I?m not going after a gong simply for narcissistic reasons ? flash git though I may be. No, I will expect to play a full and conscientious part in government and, like that Lord Sainsbury geezer, I?m ready and willing to take on a challenging, high profile, brief. Hey, I?ve already got my eye on a post ? I reckon I?d be just the man to take on the, seemingly, intractable task of fostering respect in our inner cities. That?s right ? I?d be the government? new ?Chav Czar?. I?ve got some great ideas for sorting out the chav problem (not to mention pikeys). I can?t wait to get started.

Firstly, I?d recruit a tough paramilitary force of physically fit geezers in their 30?s. Chaps from local communities who are well ?ard, but sensible, and maybe at a loose end. These chaps would then be trained to the highest standards in unarmed combat and thuggery ? each man a lethal weapon, proficient in kung fu and eccy-thump. I?d further kit them out in uniforms ? Addidas trackies and baseball caps for the chaps and ?Kappa? trackies for any female recruits. Side arms would include rubber truncheons, lengths of hosepipe and CS gas. Transportation wise, each team would be assigned a new, black, Range Rover Sport 4.2 Supercharged, with blacked out windows and bling-tastic 20-inch alloys (only the best for my men). These formidable urban warriors would be known as the ?Chavbusters?, and a team of 4-6 would be assigned to every inner city district in the land - ready and willing to tackle chavs wherever they congregate and cause bollocks. The Chavbusters modus operandi would be to cruise round council estates looking out for annoying and intimidating congregations of chavs. Bus stops and local shopping precincts would be designated chav hotspots and consequently patrols would be stepped up at those locations. Once a group of chavs had been clocked the driver would ?boot? the team?s Range Rover, they?d tear down the street, screech to a halt, all the chavbusters would leap out and lace into the chavs with rubber truncheons and hose pipes, while exhorting them to mend their chavy ways and do something constructive with their lives.

My ?chav-bustin? master plan would eradicate almost all inner-city ills in a month or three ? saving billions of pounds of taxpayer?s dough and much heartache. I would be left basking in the adulation of a grateful nation and would, no doubt, be forced to address growing demands that I take on the premiership - after our Tone calls it a day, of course... So, who ya? gonna call? ? CHAVBUSTERS!


Sir Dibble of Dibbsbury - buy my DVD?S

[Arginald Valleywater]

I imagine ?50000 won't be enough, Labour are the most right wing, corrupt and underhand party in the history of politics, makes Central American governments look Kosher.

I reckon you could get one for free if you shag Mrs Prescott, Mrs Blair and Ruth Kelly, who is a man in drag.

[Jacques]

Good plan!!!

Though you really should be made Lord Dibble of Dibbsbury !thumbsup!

[mart]

Maybe She might miss her stroke and "accidentally" cut your head off.
I would have a 2 minute mourning for that.

Mart

[eroticartist]

Dibble,
I think that alienated youths on the council estates should be allowed to dig up all the land and plant vegetables and herbs like cannabis thus re-establishing their contact with Nature and the Earth. !cool!
Mike Freeman.

[Phil mCc]

You wrote "Labour are the most right wing, corrupt and underhand party in the history of politics, makes Central American governments look Kosher."
Yeh but whats wrong with them.

Phil McC
Thanks Tony for the new snooker table,

[Officer Dibble]

"I think that alienated youths on the council estates should be allowed to dig up all the land and plant vegetables and herbs like cannabis thus re-establishing their contact with Nature and the Earth.
Mike Freeman."

What a cushty plan, Mike...Make mine a spliff. Wheyhey!



Sir Dibble of Dibbington ? buy my DVD?s

[number 6]

Can someone tell me how a government that has brought in the minimum wage,got unemployment down to record lows,cut hospital waiting lists and pumped loads of money into public services is somehow right wing??Cause its a mystery to me...

[strictlybroadband]

"These formidable urban warriors would be known as the ?Chavbusters?"

How did I guess that this would be about "chavs" sooner or later?