I just killed a wasp...

[Sam Slater]

...all by myself.

One just flew in through my window while I was replying to Lizards ash/stew comment. It's fucking twenty to one in a morning for fucks sake! What are wasps doing up at this hour?

I'm all on my own this week. Now, I've been in the services, I've had Thai boxing fights, and I've even got an Alsatian in a headlock once that had hold of my mates leg.....................but wasps.............I'm fucking petrified of the little bastards.

Anyway, it was in my bedroom. No girlfriend, mum or sister around so I had to stand up and be a man.

14 squirts of the flyspray and it finally died. It was fucking fast though! You'd think with em being cold blooded they'd be a little slow at night. It was one of those wasps that don't buzz as well. A 'stealth' fighter. I spayed it and it dived under the bed. I couldn't see or hear it even though my senses were on full alert.

With my heart thumping in my chest, hands shaking and sweat pouring into my eyes, I moved the covers.............nothing. Maybe it crawled to the window? I slowly edged forward, constantly checking my flanks......nothing. Turned around to go back towards the door and it dive bombed me!

I ducked and squirted at the same time, direct hit! While it was disorientated I jumped over a chair and got to the door. Mesmerised by the lightbulb, it was trying to shake off my counter attack, but my ringcraft kicked in. I wasn't going to let it clear it's head and recover. I moved in fast, spraying the little shit once, twice, three times before it flew away, straight into the window, and bounced onto the carpet. Struggling now, it flew at me again, but only as high as my knee.......it was weakining. I shuffled backwards in a fashion Mohammed Ali would have approved of and sprayed it twice on the retreat......

...it was all but over. Squirming on the carpet, and turning in circles, like a delusional dog suffering from rabies, and chasing it's tail. Can of flyspray at the ready, I brought my foot down and and made everything dark. It was done, and euphoria engulfed my very being.........I am a man.

[Pervert]

"14 squirts of the flyspray and it finally died. "

You great steaming fanny. If forced to kill a wasp, at least be manly about it and give it a dignified send-off with a rolled up newspaper or magazine.

I find they are very amenable to reasoned argument, and will leave the room via a window if invited.

[Lizard]

"and I've even got an Alsatian in a headlock once that had hold of my mates leg"

Yeah right, You should lay off that canine shit, it will come back to haunt you

"Sorry M;Laud, you see my girlfriend was away, and there was nothing on the television, and it just came on to me, how was I to know......"

"5 YEARS, TAKE HIM DOWN" (but get sabers phone number)
Next case.

[Sam Slater]

The windows wide open Carac, but with it being dark, it was going for the lightbulb like a moth. Never seen one out this late before and should have known better. It was way past it's bedtime and picked the wrong fucking house baby...............oh yes indeedy.

Sam -the man- Slater whooped it's stripy arse!

[Sam Slater]

I forgot to say, i was only three at the time.....

[Pervert]

Whooping its stripey arse would have involved physical force, not insect spray, you big radish.

[Lizard]

No good trying to back out of it now, think how mentally scarred that alsation will be now. I bet it wont touch oriental food if you throw it at it.

[Sam Slater]

Listen, it was either the spray, or I was calling the fire brigade out.

I'd rather it been a fucking burglar climbing through my window than one of those evil fuckers.

You know when I was about eight, a wasp landed right on the rim of a bottle of pop I was drinking. Them days the bottle were glass and I just threw the bottle away from me in a panic. It went straight through a bus window.

My Dad gave me a right good hiding for that when he got home.....

[Sam Slater]

It was just playing funny buggers.....

.....I knew what it really wanted.

[Pervert]

I've been consulting the law books, and it doesn't look good for you, Sammy. If you can prove to a court of law that you have an allergy to a wasp sting, then you might get off. Otherwise, unless the wasp was armed, you have committed first degree vespacide with malice aforethought.

And it was out of season.