Very specific porn.

[fudgeflaps]

I am looking for photosets and clips that were shot ON A TUESDAY, between 5 and 6pm. Ideally, the weather conditions for these will be 'damp' with a winddchill factor of 7 recorded at the time of shooting.

If there is a fully-decorated war veteran in the background sitting beside a dead rodent and enjoying a STRAWBERRY McDonald's milkshake, that's a bonus.

I hope you can aid me with this request.

[colonel]

I require this too- but:

The war veteran must be no higher in rank than Sergeant.

The month in question must be February- owing to the light at that time of year.

Both model and photographer must bank with the HSBC- and their bank books must be somewhere in shot.

A signed photograph of Pete Townshend holding a red Stratocaster must be on the wall.

The model must be fully shaven.

[Sam Slater]

Strawberry? That's so American........why do they bastardise everything?

I like the European stuff with Vanilla Milkshakes shown, or the old British stuff with Banana flavoured Milkshakes! Oh, they were the days!

[fudgeflaps]

Agreed.

AND!!!

The rodent may be of any rodent species, as long as it is native to the British Isles and has purple fur.

[fudgeflaps]

When it comes to old vs new, it's the banana milkshakes that always swing it in favour of the old.

The Euro stuff of the 90s with the vanilla milkshakes was very hot- the under the counter material featured heated caramel action, and was deemed illegal for being too specific.

[Sam Slater]

Something you've overlooked though fudgey, is the old straws. I prefer the straight straws to these modern 'bendy' straws. These bendy ones just leave me cold.

[fudgeflaps]

Well spotted, Sam. My request was quite simple, however, i must add that the straw must be an 'olde-style' straight straw.

I am very fussy- without that, the flick would do nothing for me.

Any other very specific porn requests out there?

[one eyed jack]

Yep I got it. Gonna be updated on my site www.onemanbanned.tv !laugh!

[Jonone]

It just sounds like 'Old Farts & Young Tarts' with a few add-ons.

[Deuce Bigolo]

I had the purple rodent covered

Guess Prince will have to wait his turn