Big Phil Reveals Abramovich plea

[Jacques]

''Big Phil'' Scolari has revealed a desperate plea to bring attractive football to Stamford Bridge from Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich, reports respected German daily Newspaper Wunter Under Meijer.

Despite an illustrious history which includes a staggering 3 league titles, 4 FA cups, 4 league cups, numerous friendly victories and a win on a bingo scratchcard, Chelsea's style of play has left some of the fans - not to mention the owner - disillusioned.

In fact, in a recent poll conducted by Wunter Under Meijer, a worrying 73% of Chelsea fans said that they would seriously consider going back to supporting Manchester United if both results and style of play didn't improve.

Chelsea have recently taken to the tactic of having Frank Lampard belt the ball as hard as he can at Didier Drogba, in the hope of causing a deflection of the ball past the keeper. However, this has resulted in numerous conflicts; Drogba wants to leave The Bridge because getting the ball kicked at his legs so often is causing serious damage to his face, as evidenced by the 677 times he was stretchered off the field last season with his hands over his face.

[dimi]

Very funny !laugh! although i think drogba being subbed 677 times is still few... i demand a recount!

[Sam Slater]

Lol... Naughty Jacques!

[Pervert]

Fantastique!