Man breaks into Church to watch porno filth!

[jimslip]

Surely this man should win a SHAFTA or whatever for, "World's Greatest Porn Fan!" we could damn well do with a few more like him, well done sir!

[Ogre]

One thing that is kind of puzzling as the article doesn't mention it ... where exactly did he get that porn? I'm no criminal mastermind but it sounds awfully inconvenient for a burglar to arm himself with pornography before going to work. It sounds a bit out there to state that the burglar is carrying heaps of porn while on the job just in case there happens to be a VCR in the target estate don't you think?

Someone in that church has been a very very naughty boy.

[jimslip]

I too, am no Hercule Poirot, but it would appear that the case for the prosecution( Presumably acting on testimony supplied by the vicar) is, that, "The defendant, having concealed a large number of pornographic DVD's around his person, did willfully enter the hallowed premises of a Church with the most evil of intention. Having brutally forced his way into the premises, the defendant wilfully gathered up various items of video and TV apparatus and proceeded to connect up said items with one diabolical intention, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. That intention is now shockingly clear, it was to knowingly and with malice of forthought, view the contents of HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHIC FILTH to satisy the defendants lust for lurid, depraved, carnal pleasure. The titles of these disgusting films included, "Alter Boys After Dark" and "Pissing Nuns" not to mention, "Bishops in Bondage".

It has been suggested by, the shameless, disgraceful, lying, vagrant that stands before you, in the dock, that he had stumbled on the DVD's, in a secret, "Stash", by the altar. A "Stash" ladies and gentlemen, is an expression used by vagrants, drug dealers and other undesirables, to describe a secret location in which this scum hide their illicit items. The defendant insists that the DVD's were actually the property of the Rev. Giles Porkinson-Banger a vicar of impeccable and unblemished standing in your community. Are you to believe the filthy scumbag, that now grovels for clemency in the dock? No ladies and gentlemen, it is your solemn duty to find him guilty on all counts!"

Hmmmmmm???

[one eyed jack]

I thought porn was the lazy teachers way of sex education.

"Oh but if you want to make babies, it doesnt go in that hole. And the mans semen must not spilleth onto the carpet and nor shall climax in any of thine openings other than the fertile one"

[Deano!]

Ogre wrote:

> One thing that is kind of puzzling as the article doesn't
> mention it ... where exactly did he get that porn?
(snip)
> Someone in that church has been a very very naughty boy.

They might have been kept as a defense against accusations of paedophillia. I'd feel much more comfortable leaving kids in the care of someone who enjoys watching Jenna Haze shove things up herself, than some creepy guy who pretends he has no 'impure thoughts'.

[frankthring]

Without wishing to be pedantic - which I will now be - the article clearly
states that this excellent individual - who deserves a Best Loved Nut Of The World Award at the next industry ceremony - was WATCHING porn
via the Church`s ELECTRONIC EQUIPMENT.....I guess it was a computer.
I doubt whether the burglar strolled in with videos or dvds and hunted
for a player....he probably went to a computer and his favourite website.
Er.....did you say you have a lot of U.S. members on yours..Mr Slip ?

[jimslip]

You said:
"he probably went to a computer and his favourite website.
Er.....did you say you have a lot of U.S. members on yours..Mr Slip ?"

Now wouldn't that be wonderful, Herr Thring, a fan so desperate to log on to my site that he has to break into a church at night to get his fix! That is the stuff that dreams are made of!!sleep!

[beutelwolf]

frankthring wrote:


> I doubt whether the burglar strolled in with videos or dvds
> and hunted
> for a player....he probably went to a computer and his
> favourite website.

Well, actually, if you look at this version of the story it does indeed say that he brought porn videos...

Perhaps this is the version of events both he and the church are most happy with...

[jimslip]

"............and that 26-inch TV."

Why do burglars and looters always have to try and manhandle some fucking massive television out of the place they're robbing? If it was a nice Sony Bravia 50" 1080p, well maybe it would be worth risking yer back. But I mean you can pick a CRT 26" telly up for free from the local tip, people are chucking them out, you don't need to nick them!

[one eyed jack]

I dont think there is anything wrong whatsoever if some priest wants to de-seed himself bashing one out to porn.

In fact i think the church should actively promote it.

If everyone was in the sanctity of marriage and shagging their partners everyday the average family would be 10 to 15 members per house hold so wanking is a good way of keeping that down.

Do we really need loads more people on the planet?