O/T-one for the ladies, for Xmas

[jj feeling a liitle bit better]

Once upon a time a perfect couple had a perfect courtship
and a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect, blessed with three wonderful children (one of each), and their Union smiled upon by a beneficent Deity.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a narrow, winding road, when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress: being the perfect couple, they naturally stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on Christmas Eve, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle, and soon they were driving merrily along delivering the toys to all the eagerly
expectant children of the neighbourhood.
Unfortunately the driving conditions rapidly worsened, and the
car, the perfect couple and Santa came off the road. Only one of them survived the accident.

Q: Who was the sole survivor?
Answer in Part Two (that's to create a wholly spurious sense of suspense)..................

[jj]

A: The perfect woman survived, of course. She's the only one who really existed in the first place.
Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus, and that there is no such thing as a perfect man.
Ouch.

[Elton Dong]

That was Shite .... go back to your old sick self.

[jj]

Fuck you, too.
That's what you wanted, wasn't it? A reaction, you sad little fucker?
Now go away until you're old enough to smoke.

[Elton ' ten bensons' Dong]

ah jj youre back to your old self...welcome back....
A piano player with 'Tourette's Syndrome' go's into a bar to ask for a job,
the manager asks 'can you play jazz'
'of course i can play fucking jazz you cuntfaced tosser' says the dude
a bit shocked by his responce the manager askes 'can you play rock'
'of course i fucking play rock you stinkin cunt fuckin shit'
says the dude
still a bit unsure the manager asks the dude to play on the piano stage and so he gets up and starts playing and to the suprise of everyone he's good very good in fact and so they let him play on.....
later that evening as the bar is swingin , a girl crawls under the piano and starts to give the dude a blow job (she's so inpressed with he's playing)he just plays on like any pro would....and after a while the manager gos over to the dude and says 'do you know your cock is hanging out of your zip and youve got spunk down your pants'
and he just turns and says
'Know it ..you wanker ..i fuckin wrote it'

[jj]

Heh heh. Not bad (at least, better then mine.....).
I'm STILL waiting for an apology, BTW.
There was this VERY long and complicated joke about identical twins and a clown, that ended with the punch-line 'Fuck off, you red-nosed cunt', but I was too pissed to remember it. Sorry.
Still waiting............



Still waiting......I'm not well, you know.........

[Lizard]

Yep! and you wont get better telling gags like that!.
Now, put your appliance back on and get the leech jar out.

I,ll make you a cuppa.

[Elton 'doc' Dong]

just in case your still feeling unwell.......







get well soon .....