TV producers/researchers needed for documentary !

[jimslip]

We are a production company based somewhere in The World, looking for TV producers and researchers to take part in a new documentary. It is entitled, "Does Mummy and Daddy know your Mixing with Porno Scum?"

Yes you'll be able to give your side of the story, how after leaving University with your degree in Media Studies you were forced by your evil bosses to make really sleazy, exploitative, tacky "Cockumentaries". How you have to actually speak to pornographers and porn stars on the phone, pretend to like them, and then actually descend into the sewers with them, to record their disgusting exploits!

Yes, we'll interview you and Mummy and Daddy together, (possibly with a few pornstars on set) I'm sure they'll be very understanding.........before they cut off your inheritance!!

Although we have an absolutely enormous budget to squander, we cannot possibly offer you any fee for your appearance.

But think of the publicity it will generate for you??????????????

JS
Krapp Productions Ltd

[Jacques]

Can I apply?

My real name is Sebastian De Fooqwit and am currently researching the positive impact of Ofcom on R18 Broardcast.

[jimslip]

Yes of course you can apply, your name seem to fit the bill, ie double- barrelled.
The real question is are up for humiliation and degradation? and can we ruin your family life?
By the way who is OF COM and whats R18?

[Cerberus]

Please, please, can I be in it too? I want to be held up to public humiliation, I feel a need for public degradation. I'd like a fair & balanced chance to explain my reasons for being driven into the porn business by the vile peddlers of human debasement! I also have a burning desire to lose my job, friends & family because I know in the interest of public information & education it's the correct thing to do. Oh yes before I forget, can I have a copy of my 5mins of notoriety? Thank you very much.
P.S.
Ouch that hurt! Please Sir, may I have another?

[jimslip]

Sorry, our budget will not stretch to making you a copy of our programme, I believe blank DVD's are amost ?1.00 each! We have at least a dozen girls with clip-boards to pay.......for God's sake!

I applaud your need for degradation and you must tell your story! The Great British Public MUST know!!

We will be glad to help you destroy your social standing and you might even get "hoodies" torching your house..............if you are really lucky!

[one eyed jack]

Can I bad mouth and thump the interviewer if they get out of hand and lippy? I also want to wade into the audience and beat up any fucker that disagrees with me- Jerry Springer style!

Lets face it, they all think we're scum, so lets oblige them....and eat children like the cannibals we are, live on air!

Then if that isn't enough, we can have a wild gang bang, anal and dp orgy right in the middle of the studio!...Just like the animals we are.

[laralatex]

Hell yeah count me in...I'll even bring my kids along (i haven't got any but i'll borrow some) and they can tell you how they were allowed to watch tv in their bedrooms whilst i was shagging for a film downstairs, 'but it ain't done 'em any 'arm, they're good kids, really they are'.
Oh and i don' wan' payin', just me travel costs, packet of fags and some special brews will see me alright.

I'm sure you'll represent me in a good way and i've always wanted to be on telly....

[Digi-Guy]

Wow Jimslip I can't believe what Im reading?

Me and my re-tard dippy wife have been making blue films since the 70s under the names of ivorfukinstupidityproblem and maryneedstogetonnationaltv. Our children are all fuked up now and have also entered in to the world of adult film but they now have kids so why not go one further and make a sad sicko docustichup about grand parents and grand children in porn.

Little tommy would be great with his addiction to breathing underwater and anny with her compulsion for stealing police cars is a natural. We all live in a 2 berth caravan on top of a hill with a chemical toilet which for fun we empty every months at the local bus stop on pension day. There is no need to pixel out faces as we are more than proud of our life in porn and the treasures it has brought.

We are also willing to let you film in the caravan and the hill could make a good feature?

Please say we can


DG

[jimslip]

You sound absolutely delightful and I'm glad you want to tell "Your side of the story". I love the chemical toilet bit, although I'm surprised that as "porno folk" you don't simply take a dump in the street! Did you go to Ocean Finance and get a loan for the chemical toilet?

We have been in fact mobilising the ex-audiences from the old Trisha shows and they are standing by to throw things and generally abuse and swear at you.

Even as we speak, coaches with reinforced suspension are being used to collect said audiences and take them to a secret location. I will instruct the drivers to make a diversion to your caravan if you so wish.

I'm sure they will give you a fair hearing.................then tear you apart limb from limb!

It'll make great telly.

[davewells]

Nice one Dave. Do we get to fuck them as well ??