Ben Dover needs your help

[Ben Dover]

This fits into the 'strange but true' file. I've been approached by a company to make a record. The people concerned have had remarkable success with some Austrian DJ who's middle-aged, going bald, and frankly acts a bit of a twat, [sound familiar? Exactly!!] prancing around doing 'disco' or whatever it's called nowadays versions of old hits. Well you can't argue with the box office so they say. Any road up they want me to try to do something similar. For the 'Ibiza Mix' or whatever it's called, they want to sample 'funny' and/or unusual lines from my movies. They can be full-on filth, it doesn't matter. Naturally I can only remember one or two, and I need your help. If anyone can remember any of mine or Marino's 'funnies' please let me know which scene they were from so I can dig them out. I know it's a tall order but I am serious. Anyone making good contributions will have my undying thanks and a bag of Ben Dover goodies into the bargain. Please help, I'm supposed to be going into the studio next week. This has been a public service announcement from the sad old failed musicians who for some reason have decided to make a complete prat of themselves - again, department. I thank you.

[richy]

OK, Ben. Your starter for ten. In Ben Dover Volume23 where you meet Omar(Cameron Cadbury!!!) and Valentino at Waterloo(?) Station, collect Vanessa Brannan and start filming, you say at one point that you need to stop filming coz you need a piss, Vanessa says "Do it on me" followed be Valentino saying "Well in that case, I'll have one too". This has taken longer to type than the scene in the film, but it comes accress (sorry) as genuinely spontaneously funny. Well, I think it does, anyway.

Don't bother about a goodie bag, by the way, I'll settle for a weekend alone with the goregeous Zoe/Nadia! OK?

[jj]

I thought that read 'Ben needs help' at first..........sorry!!
The chat between you and Marino with Andrea Kalemenova in the dressing room was a hoot, especially the 'mouse's ear' bit (Eng Muffins).
Any of the 'I've just got to get my stiffy out, I hope you don't mind' ones (all films?) are similarly riotous.
The words 'oh baby' in your inimitable style for the middle eight, of course (assuming this genre has one).

[joe king]

does it really taste of squid?

(as per your board!);-)

[Alex]

Ben,

Best ones for me gotta be :
In English Porno groupies (roxy Jo and Nikky Playys) when Roxy who is eating Nikky turns to you (surprisingly with your cock in your hand ) and says in the deepest West Yorkshire accent " I bet you'd like to eat that wouldn't you"!

Also, i think the lad'ys name is Amanda White (certainly White). A black girl with enormous tits and you ask her if she gets em out in her act , she replies yes, and you say "were there many casualties"! - priceless.

in More Fesh Cheeks to Sam - when you keep asking "Ooh is that nice Sam?". - she had two in her arse at this stage!

Same film when Amber and the other girl whos name escapes me have finished bj's - you so politely say to them " so re you gonna come back for a good fuckin? - so we can see what you look like with a cock in your pussies".



Too many others to mantion - keep up the good work.

[Slurms]

this is nae from one of yir films( i dinna think)

you walk like a man,
do you fuck like a man?

you hiv my permission to use it mr dover!

[alec]

Not Vanessa, Jackie aka Rachael aka Naomi St James.

[richy]

Thanks, Alec. So many models, so little energy.

[richy]

Now I've read this, I feel I should update my collection. There are obviously too many horny women getting in the way of good jokes!

[lumpy]

May like to checkout advideos.co.uk - maybe inocuous,dunno.