Is there a more annoying man in the world

[Rimbaud]

Than AMRI/RAME porn reviewer Patrick Riley? Ladies and Gentlemen of the BGAFD I put it to you that there is not. The man is symptomatic of everything which is wrong with American tastes in pornography.

Imagine a film with, say, Sophie Evans, Rita Faltoyano, Julia Taylor, Kate More, Silvia Saint, Laure Sinclaire and Clara Morgane, plus Hannah Harper and Lolo Ferrari. A likely Riley review of such product would read:

"Scenes one to eight, anonymous Euro-tarts with marginal faces. Rita could be pretty is she wore more makeup and got those moles lasered off her tits. Sex is marginal, lots of Euro-moaning. Why can't these girls speak more American? It's all very marginal. I did not find it arousing mainly because of the looks of the girls. They were too marginal. There is a good facial in one of the scenes but I couldn't switch off the forward search in time to really watch it. Scene nine, Hannah is an English girl. She really needs a tan. She looked like a crack whore to me. It's a shame we couldn't see more of the final girl, Lolo, a blonde with tectonically-applied makeup and gorgeous, bountiful tits. She is the very epitome of all that is right and true about Mom's apple pie. I would like to munch her pie. It's a shame she didn't talk more to show these boring marginal Euro whores how to speak American. In truth I almost fell asleep while watching them fuck. God bless America."

[alec]

You left out 'passable face', 'lithe body' and 'unmarried mother' (because body is not lithe), but actually he doesn't like fake breasts. He calls them canteloupes and has mentioned them in Hannah Harper's case. It's easy to miss the few good points amongst all the nonsense, but he also rightly criticises a few other things about American porn like stupid scenarios and annoying dialect chat from the likes of Wesley Pipes. Having just watched Just Over 18 1, I agree with that last - Jessie J eventually tells one of the studs to 'Shut up and lick it.'

[Rimbaud]

Yeah, in Riley's defence, I find a lot of the pointless banter a bit irritating as well.

[P R Mann]

Speaking as a proffesional reviewer, it sounded quite an objective, relevant review to me. The only annoying bit was the him talking about '"speaking American!" Ha!

P R Mann

[Matt]

I'm sure you don't earn your income purely by reviewing porn. If you do, they're either paying you far too much, or you're quite confortable with not much money.

[jj]

Riley is a tiresome moron: what good points he makes are completely submerged by the banal drivel and blatant bias that he regurgitates in each and every review.
For me the cardinal sin for a reviewer is not to say anything original or constructive about the title under review. And this feat he manages in spades.
Which is why Rimbaud found it so easy to do an acurate pastiche of him (pace his literary talents, of course!).

[spikey hedgecock]

where is this show on? who is he? is he american?

[alec]

He posts his reviews to rec.arts.movies.erotica

[joe king]

is Voyager (Voyager7@kc.rr.com)
Patrick Riley?

He uses the phrase 'she is cantalouped' or is it an american hep phrase? all the same these bloody americans

[alec]

Patrick Riley is Patrick Riley, but Voyager seems to have similar views.