The Official God FAQ

[Jacques]

Question: ?Is there a God??

Answer: ?No.?


In the quite unlikely event that you were to discover any omissions or inaccuracies, they may be posted on this thread, where they will be thoroughly investigated, submitted to rigorous scientific testing by Professor Sam Slater and, if substantiated, included in a subsequent update. Thank you.

[Sam Slater]

What a good idea. We should have a weekly update regarding the likelihood and public sightings of God (Christian, Jewish, or Muslim God, for we are all for equal opportunities here).

We have reason to believe that God is responsible for everything, and is wanted for questioning regarding the disappearance of his -it is believed- son's body, which was stolen after death. I do not know the legal ramifications of stealing corpse in Palestine over 2000 years ago, but I'm sure God would get a fair trial, and escape with community service. The cases of promoting religious, and racial hatred may not mean he (her?) would be dealt with so leniently, but there is the problem of proving that the Bible/Quran/Torah was indeed the written word of God. It could be a set up.

Be vigilant, and have your camera phones ready. He (she?) may live next door to YOU! If you suspect you see this man (woman?) then DO NOT ask if he prefers prawns over bacon, or mention your sexuality - it's just easier.

He (she?) will expect you to show fear, respect, gratitude and a disgust of yourself for being born of sin, but although he (she) may turn you into a pillar of salt, just for looking the wrong way, or maybe even expect a daughter or son to be gang raped by a whole town, always remember that he (she?) loves you - so we are led to believe.

Tell him (her?) that you're circumcised -if he (she?) asks, as you just never know with such an unstable individual.

[andy at handiwork]

Sam Slater wrote:

....God (Christian, Jewish, or Muslim God, for we are all for equal opportunities here).

Of course its the same God for all three of them, just their prophets that differ in importance.

[Sam Slater]

The same God? Who says? Not God, that's for sure!

[stripeysydney]

When I wuz a wee nipper I thought that Keith Richards was a god, now I just think he's rather good.

[Sam Slater]

You just added an extra 'o' then eh? Weird innit?

[stripeysydney]

I didn't even notice that!

[andy at handiwork]

Yahweh, Allah, God, all one and the same, though each religion places different emphasis on their chosen prophets and those prophets interpretations of the word/intent of god. They all accept the historical existance of each others prophets, only disagreeing on their importance I would have thought.

[Lizard]

I am actually God. can anyone prove differently?

[Deuce Bigolo]

This wine you sent me tastes just like water
I want a refund right now