Just reading about the whole rise of the polyamorous movement in the US
.
Is it possible to love two people at the same time? Can it work if it's all out in the open? Or is it really just a modern version of having an affair? If someone has an affair is it better to keep it from the person they're cheating on to prevent hurting them? Questions, questions.
Oh, and no I'm not having or thinking of having an affair.
Affairs - good, bad or ugly?
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one eyed jack
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Re: Affairs - good, bad or ugly?
It would be no ones business but your own if you were Chatterji.
Interesting subject with so many variables to choose from. Speaking for myself you have to distinguish between love and lust. Being in love with two people cannot be of the same intensity. Usually you will care for one more than the other.
I think you can be in lust with a lot of women at the same time but that is not love. besides a lot of emotional investment and time goes into love and unless the two ladies you love are in total agreement, they will be both competing for your attention but then if they were really in love, they would really embrace the siutation as one.
I know of a couple of guys who live with two women and have kids with both of them but I havent seen those situations where it doesnt look like it is more favourable with one more than the other.
Good, bad or ugly? Hmm depends on the situation as I'm sure theres a case for all three where humans are concerned.
I think one would have to b devoid of jealousy to even be in such a thing. I wonder how many people can really say they are never jealous
Interesting subject with so many variables to choose from. Speaking for myself you have to distinguish between love and lust. Being in love with two people cannot be of the same intensity. Usually you will care for one more than the other.
I think you can be in lust with a lot of women at the same time but that is not love. besides a lot of emotional investment and time goes into love and unless the two ladies you love are in total agreement, they will be both competing for your attention but then if they were really in love, they would really embrace the siutation as one.
I know of a couple of guys who live with two women and have kids with both of them but I havent seen those situations where it doesnt look like it is more favourable with one more than the other.
Good, bad or ugly? Hmm depends on the situation as I'm sure theres a case for all three where humans are concerned.
I think one would have to b devoid of jealousy to even be in such a thing. I wonder how many people can really say they are never jealous
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Re: Affairs - good, bad or ugly?
Bad and ugly.
Re: Affairs - good, bad or ugly?
For what it's worth, if you are married and having an affair then the chances are you are lying to the person you profess to love. If the lies are rather pathetic and easy to see through, then you are also treating your loved one with contempt. How can you claim to love and respect someone you are treating with contempt?
Just my tuppence-worth.
Just my tuppence-worth.
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Deuce Bigolo
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Re: Affairs - good, bad or ugly?
Jack Thompson had the perfect arrangement for 15 years
Living with 2 sisters but it doesn't sound like it was a picnic in the park
ANDREW DENTON: You have lived your life pretty openly by a set of Bohemian principles. What does Bohemian mean to you?
JACK THOMPSON: Bohemia is a place in Hungary, in Bohemia. There was a Bohemian empire and Bohemian royalty. It was at that time the arts flourished. It was like a latter day Athenian world in which those values were paramount.
ANDREW DENTON: The Bohemian part of your life for which you are best known was in the seventies and into the eighties when you had a relationship with the sisters, Leona and Bunkie, which was a talking point for many years in Australia. How does that relationship work with two women?
JACK THOMPSON: It doesn't.
ANDREW DENTON: It did for 15 years.
JACK THOMPSON: But what happened in this relationship was what happens in a lot of relationships. Particularly when you are very young, you fall in love with someone and then you meet someone else and you kind of fall in love with them, too. How can you give all your love to someone and fall in love with someone else? My answer at the time was it's qualitative, not quantitative. My love isn't something you can get a bucketful of and that's it. It's a qualitative thing. You can love more than one person in your life. And what happens with most people is that they make the other relationship a secret and keep it hidden. When this relationship became apparent to the three of us, we all three sat there with tears and "how could you" and all of that over a period of an afternoon. We agreed that we would attempt to go on living the truth of this without ever lying about it for as long as it was tolerable.
rest of the interview here
Living with 2 sisters but it doesn't sound like it was a picnic in the park
ANDREW DENTON: You have lived your life pretty openly by a set of Bohemian principles. What does Bohemian mean to you?
JACK THOMPSON: Bohemia is a place in Hungary, in Bohemia. There was a Bohemian empire and Bohemian royalty. It was at that time the arts flourished. It was like a latter day Athenian world in which those values were paramount.
ANDREW DENTON: The Bohemian part of your life for which you are best known was in the seventies and into the eighties when you had a relationship with the sisters, Leona and Bunkie, which was a talking point for many years in Australia. How does that relationship work with two women?
JACK THOMPSON: It doesn't.
ANDREW DENTON: It did for 15 years.
JACK THOMPSON: But what happened in this relationship was what happens in a lot of relationships. Particularly when you are very young, you fall in love with someone and then you meet someone else and you kind of fall in love with them, too. How can you give all your love to someone and fall in love with someone else? My answer at the time was it's qualitative, not quantitative. My love isn't something you can get a bucketful of and that's it. It's a qualitative thing. You can love more than one person in your life. And what happens with most people is that they make the other relationship a secret and keep it hidden. When this relationship became apparent to the three of us, we all three sat there with tears and "how could you" and all of that over a period of an afternoon. We agreed that we would attempt to go on living the truth of this without ever lying about it for as long as it was tolerable.
rest of the interview here
Re: Affairs - good, bad or ugly?
My Grandad did it, lived with his wife and her sister all their life, when my nan died he married her sister. No wonder I ended up like I have. dirty old bastard lived till he was 98 and had a great life.
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Re: Affairs - good, bad or ugly?
Alice In Blunderland wrote:
> Stay single
An excellent suggestion.
People seem to get married at the drop of a hat these days. They also seem unaware or disdainful of the consequences.
> Stay single
An excellent suggestion.
People seem to get married at the drop of a hat these days. They also seem unaware or disdainful of the consequences.
Re: Affairs - good, bad or ugly?
You're probably right, but the plot often goes: you meet someone, they're 'the one' you get married - or used to - you have kids to express your love. Kids add a whole new dimension.
I know quite a few people that pootle along in platonic marriages where they like their partner, have a happy home, but get sex elsewhere. They stay together for the kids, for convenience, comfort and out of habit.
As far as I can see affairs are bad because they necessitate deceit as Carac says. But men in particular always want sex, which in longterm relationships frequently peters out, hence their straying. If we had different societal attitudes towards sex openness might work but we don't, so it doesn't.
I've had plenty of no-strings sex in my time, prior to being in a permanent relationship, where love had nothing to do with it for either of us. Love might intensify sex with someone special but as an act, to me at least, it's entirely distinct. The old cry 'it was only sex' is probably true for a lot of men caught in affairs. I can see that from their perspective shagging someone else doesn't lessen their love for their partner. I've always imagined that's how it work for porn perfomers, although obviously sex on film is work which might cast in a different light.
I've seen a couple of 'open' relationships at close quarters, and they don't seem to work well either. Both ended up with those involved becoming jealous of other people.
Monogamy is an unnatural state, but it seems to provide stability of a sort. But I wonder what percentage of monogamous relationships are truly monogamous?
I know quite a few people that pootle along in platonic marriages where they like their partner, have a happy home, but get sex elsewhere. They stay together for the kids, for convenience, comfort and out of habit.
As far as I can see affairs are bad because they necessitate deceit as Carac says. But men in particular always want sex, which in longterm relationships frequently peters out, hence their straying. If we had different societal attitudes towards sex openness might work but we don't, so it doesn't.
I've had plenty of no-strings sex in my time, prior to being in a permanent relationship, where love had nothing to do with it for either of us. Love might intensify sex with someone special but as an act, to me at least, it's entirely distinct. The old cry 'it was only sex' is probably true for a lot of men caught in affairs. I can see that from their perspective shagging someone else doesn't lessen their love for their partner. I've always imagined that's how it work for porn perfomers, although obviously sex on film is work which might cast in a different light.
I've seen a couple of 'open' relationships at close quarters, and they don't seem to work well either. Both ended up with those involved becoming jealous of other people.
Monogamy is an unnatural state, but it seems to provide stability of a sort. But I wonder what percentage of monogamous relationships are truly monogamous?